Wow, this memory came out of nowhere...

This morning, while driving to work, I remembered something that happened in college almost 10 years ago. Had completely forgotten about it... My friends from college who read this blog (A+ and Learning Stuff) might remember, but they weren't involved.

I don't remember if it was junior or senior year, but...I, uh, borrowed? an athletic department van/bus and drove it (probably illegally) to my aunt's house (she lived about 20 minutes away) to pick up a couch that she didn't want anymore, so that my friends (editors of the yearbook) could have it for their office.

L and K, the editors, expressed interest in the couch that my aunt was going to get rid of. But no one, including my aunt and uncle, had a vehicle big enough to transport it. I guess anyone who was an editor or president of a club was eligible to borrow a van for short term use. This was also right before the fall semester started--we'd all moved back to campus early for our various clubs and orgs.

One of the editors, L, went and got the keys from the athletic department. But both L and K were too scared to drive the van. So I said I'd do it--I was going with them since it was my aunt's house. I don't think I was allowed to drive, I wasn't an editor, I didn't sign out the van, but I did it anyway. It was the weirdest, yet coolest, thing...the van was HUGE and you sat way up high. To date, this was the biggest vehicle I've driven.

So while I was driving to work, I remembered that drive from campus to my aunt's house and feeling invincible about it all...and it didn't even occur to me, until NOW, how badly it could have turned out for me and my friends. Yay for being dumb and impulsive! LOL

Then I thought about how hard it was getting the couch into the van.

Why was it so hard? Oh yeah, the van had bench seats. Duh, it was a passenger van! My friend and I and my aunt tried to get the couch in, by having the couch "sit" on top of the backs of the benches (if that makes any sense). It didn't fit.

Then we noticed that each row/bench sort of "buckled" in the van's floor. Then someone had the brilliant idea to take out the seats.

Okay, let's take out the seats. That was harder than it looked. We had to call my cousin (not my aunt's son) , who lived across the street (and coincidentally worked for my college's athletic department!) to help us get the seats out. Finally, we figure out how to get the couch in, throw the seats BACK in (on top of the couch) and ride back to campus.

One other thing--this happened at the very end of August and it was still pretty hot. I don't think the van had AC. So we were a hot mess.

We get back to campus and lug the couch to the yearbook office. But after that, I don't remember what happened to the van, or if someone put the seats back where they were supposed to...lol.

I seriously hadn't thought about this until this morning. Good times.

the past should stay the past

SERIOUSLY. Why do "bad" memories have their way of coming out at times? I put bad in quotes because there are worse things out there that have happened to people, so this is pretty minor if you think about it.

Last night, I started talking with DH about college, freshman year especially, and how crappy it was. I don't even know how it came out, really. I forgot what we were talking about when we came upon this subject. I'm sure a LOT of people have similar stories about making friends, losing them, being lonely on a Friday/Saturday/Tuesday/whatever night while your roommate/s go out and stay out wicked late, trying to find your way amidst different groups of people where you don't really fit in, whatever the case may be.

But it made me feel SO horrible, talking about it. And here it is, over 12 hours later and I still feel crappy. That was OVER 10 years ago, I can't go back, I can't change who my roommates were. I can't change that I was shy and didn't know that you were supposed to go around and introduce yourself (yeah, I thought people would come to ME). I didn't know that the "uniform" was cute clothes from American Eagle or A&F.

And, in the end, things DID get better. This is most important to remember! Eventually, I did meet people, some with whom I am still REALLY tight today. Sure, we lost some of our group along the way to graduation, but that happened over truly dumb stuff (hello, housing lottery! Or, someone got a boyfriend) and what matters is, by the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I didn't want to go home for a month. Out of fear I'd lose those friends I'd just made.

I guess I just remembered that pain of feeling like you didn't matter to anyone and you'd never feel at home...and I REALLY felt it this time. Like I was suddenly back in my dorm room, on a Friday night, listening to music, exploring this thing called the internet (haha!), while one roommate escaped to the peace of home and the other was out boozing it up. (I have to laugh now because the two of them did not return sophomore year.)

I still think that old things like this should stay buried, because the memories can catch you off-guard and you are suddenly sad but can't really explain why. Maybe some of the tears or feelings are out of gratitude for those who you did meet and had fun times with...and for yourself, that you got through it and you survived.