Merry Christmas, a day late

Some interesting things happened over the past few days to my family, and since this blog is mostly anonymous, I'll post them here:

1) My aunt's car was broken into on Tuesday and the presents she had for her little nieces and nephews were stolen. WTF? SO NOT THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!!! Thankfully she was not hurt and the car wasn't too damaged (just the passenger window was broken) so all will be OK. She will probably get reimbursed by the insurance company for the stolen items, but her coworkers took up a collection and gave her money so she could replace the stolen gifts. My cousins were so good about it too, telling her that it wasn't about the presents. They are getting so grown up!

2) After Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, DH's grandmother decides to have a confessional and lets out a huge family secret to just DH and I. (other people know this, they just weren't there) She told us that when she was 16, still living in the "Old Country", she was raped by a Russian soldier (occupying her country) and got pregnant with DH's mom. DH and I had guessed that something like this had happened--the age difference between his mom and grandma, how they had the same maiden names, etc. But we never knew for sure--actually we'd thought that maybe his grandmother had gotten herself into "trouble" at a young age and didn't get married. Who would have thought? This certainly puts a different spin on things. Poor DH's grandmother, especially back then when there wasn't help for these things.



Otherwise, Christmas was pretty good...our families were very generous this year with money and gifts. I got a little stressed out on Christmas day, but I need to learn to chill the eff out. I had a hilarious time at my parents' house with my two cousins from my dad's side (it's just the 4 of us for grandchildren on that side) who are in their early 20s, listening to the hijinx that they encounter in life.

I don't know what to call this post...

but it has to do with my family and my husband and how they get along...

I'm very upset...and I've been crying, my stomach's been in knots, feeling depressed about it, etc. Right now, I'm OK, but jeez, I hate conflict.

Thankfully it's not my parents. It has to do with two of my uncles (one on either side of the family) and my brother...and comments that they've said to my husband.

Now, DH has been through a lot in the past 5 years or so...and had dealt with some crap even when he was younger. We all do...and it makes its impact on us, and defines how our lives turn out. He might be a bit more sensitive to certain things...or comments that people might say. We all have our "buttons" that bother us when pushed.

So anyway, my two uncles have made comments about DH still not working...and yes, it bothers him. Both the comments and the fact that it's 9 months with no job offers. [Applications and interviews, but no offers. It's not like he's sitting around, enjoying this "vacation."] My Uncle D asked his question innocently and DH let him know how it made him feel, and I think that he felt badly...but my other uncle, Uncle J? He's like a freaking dog with a bone. He just keeps pushing and pushing...and it's soooooo rude and annoying. GRAAAAA I just want to scream! DH has tried to avoid Uncle J at family gatherings, and tried to keep any convos short and to the point. But my uncle won't give up. Why doesn't he understand that DH is in criminal justice, not law enforcement? And that he CAN'T be a cop b/c of his injuries?? And that he IS looking for ANYTHING that's available??? GRRRRR. Thankfully we don't see him too often, he lives way on the other side of the state (almost 2 hrs away). I don't know why people can't just let things rest.

My Aunt N (sister of Uncle J and my mom) put it this way: Uncle J and his wife, Aunt D, are pretty ignorant about things and haven't had much worldly experience. All they care about is work, and making money and buying things to show off with that money. Whereas people like DH and I get that there's more in life than working and material crap. And we also "get" that some subjects are really sensitive to people...and not to discuss them, or you wait until the people bring them up. For instance, I would never ask a young couple "So where's the babies???" To people like Uncle J and Aunt D, it's just making conversation, and it's also all they know. When I was single, Aunt D would always ask if I had a boyfriend, was I dating, etc. Now that we're married, she asks about when we're buying a house and having kids. It's like, all she knows is a "Platonic Form" of life--work, houses, marriage, babies...

Last night, my brother came over to have dinner and watch The Dark Knight. Everything was GREAT (and we even told my brother how DH loves him like a brother, sometimes more than DH's OWN brother)...until later on when were were talking about jobs and careers. My brother might be going for his CDL (the license you need to drive big rigs) and DH commented sort of off the cuff "Oh maybe I'll do that too..." My brother made a comment about DH's stomach not fitting behind the wheel and that just set off the evening...my brother did say that he too has trouble behind the wheel...but it was just downhill from there. My brother soon left and DH was upset...so I ran out after my brother to talk to him about what happened and how DH was feeling like crap.

Yes, DH has a big stomach, but it's not fat...it's scar tissue from the accident. And hello, my brother is over 300lbs!!! My brother didn't understand why it made him feel badly...in my brother's own, innocent little mind, he thought he was doing DH a "favor." [My brother is quite sheltered, at 27 he has yet to do much with his life...he's also behind, socially and has learning disabilities.] So I was crying, my brother was crying, I'm trying to explain WHY you cannot say things to people about their size/weight...EVER!

I go back inside, DH is still upset, doesn't want to go to Christmas with my family, is tired of my family giving him grief, etc. I'm upset because DH has had a lot of crap happen to him in life, my family needs to STFU and learn some sensitivity, and again, I hate conflict and just want EVERYONE to get along and just behave.

Is that so much to ask??????

Mother's Day is next weekend...

I have no freaking clue what to get my mom. Srsly. This bites. I go through this every year.

Everything she wants, she gets herself. She doesn't really "do" anything. She's not a huge jewelry person, nor do I have the money, ha. She doesn't read a TON, she doesn't knit or sew...

I'm wondering if I should just tell her that next Saturday, we're spending the day together? We haven't really hung out in awhile. Sometimes, she can just be a little...um, grating on my nerves, I guess. I know she loves me a lot and would do anything for me...but at times, I feel guilty because I almost feel like I take advantage of her and her generosity, even if I really don't. Like she gives, gives, gives, and I never give back? She always tells me that if she couldn't give, or couldn't do, she wouldn't, and that there will come a time where she won't be able to do things for me. I don't know what I could do for her now, or give her. Maybe just my time?

I wonder if some of this comes from her relationship with her own mother. My grandmother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when my mom was a little kid--she even remembers being 6 or so, and my grandmother being in the hospital. By the time my mom got married, she needed a cane, and shortly after I was born, she was wheelchair-bound. She lived most of MY life in a nursing home and died when I was in college. So, not very hands-on. I think my mom is just trying to do as much as she can while she's young and healthy...my aunt (my mom's little sister, who has 3 kids of her own) is the same way. Playing "supermom" because you don't know when/if you'll get sick. So sad.

Happy Easter

Note: This is a post about my feelings on church/religion as of right now, with some politics thrown in. I apologize if this offends you, so if you are easily offended, you might want to skip this post.

This was the first year that I haven't gone to church for Easter. Even when I was a senior in HS, traveling in Europe with my school's choir, I made it to Mass for Easter. We were in Paris, singing at a church, so it just worked out that way.

I didn't go to church for Christmas either. I haven't been to a Mass since my wedding day. That'll be 6 months on the 29th. I don't know what it is...why I haven't been. My Catholic guilt is telling me that I'm horrible and I really need to suck life up and go...but the other parts of me are saying it's no big deal.

Before the wedding, I went pretty regularly...as I didn't want the priest to get his stole in a knot and forbid me and DH to marry under his roof. But before that...ehhh, I went about once a month.

I have an issue with a few things that are church-related: my parish priest, my parish, Catholicism, and religion in general.

My parish priest--he did a craptastic job with our wedding ceremony. We met with you, how many times before the wedding day? At YOUR insistence? And you couldn't say anything original about us? The only thing that you did throw in was how you hoped that DH and I would both be returning to the parish. This was only because you knew that DH was thinking about switching rites--from Roman Catholic to Byzantine Catholic, as he was raised in but not officially a member of--LONG story. Really just rubbed me the wrong way, as if he was just checking off numbers in his quota of marriages performed and bodies in Roman Catholicism.

My parish--I keep getting these letters and pamphlets about how they need money. Fine. I understand that all organizations need money for operating and repairs and all of that, just like my household does as well.

What I don't understand is, if the church was going to need a new roof this year, why did we build a huge parish center and new rectory about 5-10 years ago? It was obvious that we'd need a new roof eventually and those things weren't dire needs...they should have saved the money for the repairs and made do with the old rectory and offices. Talk about screwy priorities.

And while we're on the topic of saving money, why is the building committee sending out SLICK, GLOSSY packets of info about the repairs needed, the new organ that's needed, etc???? It looks like something my COLLEGE sends out regularly! Seriously? Do we really need to seduce people into giving money with pretty pictures and nice paper? Then, in the packet, they suggested an amount that your "family" should donate, tailored to your individual situation. They told me I should give $1,000. Hahahahahaha, right. I just gave you FIVE HUNDRED to get married there. No way. They "asked" my parents for $5,000. Too funny.

It just makes me sick. There are people in our town, in our parish even, who are ill, hungry, jobless, etc...who could use some help. They are not concerned with our church having the latest acoustics for the organ, or that the driveway/parking lot is cracked. We are only worrying about ourselves (as a parish) and not taking care of the members of said parish. Where's the social justice in this?

Currently, I'm reading this book, God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It by Jim Wallis. Fascinating book. Really makes you think about our country, your faith (esp. if you're a Christian).

Jim is a Protestant minister (forget which denomination, sorry!) who says that the biggest problem with this country is that the politicians do NOT practice what Jesus preached, and what's most ironic, is that many of these politicians call themselves Christians. We're sending billions of dollars overseas to fund an unjust war that Jesus would not approve of, while we let single moms work 2 or 3 jobs to attempt to put food on the table for their children. Where's the justice in that? How can we help to save the world when we can't even save ourselves? Jim is dead on with his arguments.

It's sad that within my parish, we are not thinking in a Christ-centric manner. We take collections up for far away missions (which yeah, is a good thing) but there's so much that needs to be achieved here, at home, in our parish. Let's start working on our own homes before we involve ourselves in everyone else's business.

Oddly enough, this reminds me of something personal that happened over the weekend. My parents hosted a dinner on Saturday for my mom's side of the family, since we couldn't get everyone together for Easter. My mom's twin brother, my uncle, is a great guy. He'd give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it. He also likes to give unsolicited advice, under the guise of helping out. He didn't know that DH lost his job (all he'd heard was that it might be a possibility, but I guess my mom never filled him in on the rest). So he asks DH how the job is going and all of that, and then DH told him what happened...and then my uncle thinks he has to be the savior and starts suggesting places/jobs for DH. Thanks, but DH has that stuff under control.

My uncle tends to do the same for my brother, who does need some help in the job arena. BUT, wait a minute Uncle! Let's concentrate on the problems in YOUR home first...like your son, who is 18, might not graduate from his prestigious prep school, has never worked a job in his life...or your wife, who is a raging alcoholic and has been one for years and continues to embarrass herself, you, and your children every chance she can get???

WORK ON YOUR OWN HOUSE then you can come "fix" mine. Of course, I just grinned and took it all in. I wish my parish and my Church would stop grinning and taking it all in...and actually stand up and do something about it. Maybe there are more efforts in other parishes...but mine is so "suburban" and lazy.

I do believe in Jesus and God and all of the theological and dogmatic beliefs of the Catholic Church...but I guess I'm so, disillusioned with it as an institution...between the sex abuse scandals and embezzlement and all of that GARBAGE...it's no wonder I don't feel at home at Mass any more. Especially as an American, who's political and legal rights often butt heads with the laws of the church. Especially as a woman, who has so much say in her country, but does not have full rights in her own religion.

This post seemed to head in many directions...so to wrap it up: We need change, first at the local, grass-roots level, then let's work on everyone else.