I was coming here to write this, and then I saw I had two comments, so I will address those, too.
The reason I used puppy and baby in my post yesterday because it seems that with both, there are socializing opportunities...the dog park, puppy kindergarten, play groups, storytime at the library. From what I've seen (and this has been on Facebook, so it's not totally accurate info) even people who haven't talked to each other since HS are now meeting up and reconnecting because they both have kids. Or people who stayed in touch and live in my same town/area all had kids around the same time.
I don't know, I'm just lonely, even though I have a husband and three cats, lol. It makes me down, and then my husband thinks it's him. It's not! There's just...I don't know, only so much you can do when you don't have a lot of money to spend so you can't just "take off" on random jaunts, and you don't own a house, where something always needs to be done, lol or you can just sit outside...so a lot of the time DH and I are "relegated" to our apartment or we're out running errands because they are necessary expenses (Target, grocery store, etc) and it's something to do/somewhere to go.
I might have blogged about this before, but my workplace is not a place to make friends--there was someone who I was getting chummy with and she got fired and then wouldn't answer my emails. Another girl got laid off. There aren't a lot of females or even opportunities to get to know them better, since everyone kinda does their own thing during the workday. Where I work is a small town, so it's not like there are lots of after work hang out spots. A bunch of us have tried to do things like happy hours but everyone's got some kind of conflict and no one goes. (Or it's always scheduled when I have something I can't get out of...sigh.)
KC--I have thought about a book club, especially with my interests and future career plans! My town's library has one, but it meets at THREE PM on a weekday. Lovely. The other towns in the area don't have any! The bookstore I used to work at has them, but I feel weird going back there, I don't know why. It's not like I left on bad terms or anything. Maybe because I haven't been there really since I left? Maybe becaused I gained a lot of weight? I don't know. I just looked at their website and I can't find anything about them, so maybe they got rid of the clubs?
A+--I know what you're saying and I am afraid that when my time comes, I won't have a "network" and will be all alone in that new adventure. School has been OK, I'll talk with people before class or as we're walking out, but it's not really just gonna happen like that, you know? My summer class is online, maybe in the fall I'll see people from this semester again.
Just got a comment from Ms. M, so I'll reply to that too--I have thought about volunteering, and actually it was something my therapist recommended. I just have to get off my butt and find places to do it...
I think I just wish I hadn't isolated myself when I first came back "home" after college or had put myself out there more...hadn't lost touch with former coworkers when I left jobs. My personality is such that when I get involved with new stuff, I get overwhelmed and focus ONLY on that thing. It's weird...
DH and I were talking about this stuff last night, and he's having more luck lately meeting up with people who have common interests. Right now, he's out with someone he met through someone else, lol. He thinks it's because men have more active interests, and women usually don't. I think he might be right. DH is into fishing, hunting, sports--things you usually do with others! What am I interested in? Reading, crafty stuff, gardening--mostly things you do on your own.
The few friends I have around here, I'm not really doing anything with them when I see them, because what is there to do? Get food/coffee and/or shop. It's a vicious cycle because of the money stuff. The local friends are also all about an hour's drive away, so trying to meet up in the middle can be difficult too, because it's not just you can sit in a restaurant for hours at a time. I've thought about inviting people over, but it just feels weird to me. Like, what would we do at my house for 4 or 5 hours??? In this tiny apartment??? Maybe I'm overthinking it. I probably am.
DH also thinks I talk myself out of things or find reasons not to do stuff. He's right. I just get stressed/overwhelmed with things and then find reasons not to do them, and I'm embarrassed about how much weight I've gained, soooo, there ya go. I also think I've never really learned now to socialize/entertain, so that's why it feels awkward when I even think about doing it.
This stuff just doesn't feel organic...it feels fake and forced. But maybe that's what happens now that you're a grown up?
Thanks for reading/listening...
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6 comments:
i think volunteering is a great idea. especially if you can find something that means a lot to you. i know illini girl volunteers and she loves it.
i don't know if you guys go to church a lot or not but our church has a ton of volunteering opportunities and groups. i know there's group for single/married couples pre-kids here. they look like they have a lot of fun.
don't worry about gaining weight. it happens. maybe we should all start a biggest loser online or couch to 5k online. i know i'd like to lose some weight. but there's no way i'm posting my weight to the world. it would all have to be done in how much you've lost (the merit system).
We do go to church pretty regularly, but our parish was teetering on the edge of extinction for the past few years, so even getting 50 people at a Mass is a big deal. Not kidding. They don't have any groups or any volunteering gigs--maybe they will some day. I'd try to get more involved in starting up something, but we live about 40 mins from our church, and it's a big enough hassle getting down there on the weekends.
DH is Eastern Rite Catholic (still under Rome) and I'm Roman, but we attend an Eastern Rite church, and around here, they are few and far between. The Roman parishes (three in our town!) are much more active outside of liturgical matters, but you can't double dip like that ;-)
Thanks for your words of encouragement! I appreciate it!
I hear you. I had no network whatsoever when I was pregnant with J. I sought it out on a message board--one I'm still a part of. But friends across the country just aren't the same as friends and support within a few miles. And I HATE that I've been here for SIX years and still don't have that!
(((HUGS))) I do know where you're at. I've been there, and am very much still there. Don't know if THAT helps or not, though. ;-)
Awww, A+, thank you...I wish neither of us were in this situation, but it does help to know I'm not alone. In a sick way, I think...
I agree with the volunteering thing. There has to be a website for finding something. . . or just think about groups you like or respect. . . That's what I did.
For me, I love the kiddos and such. . . but the surprising thing is that I didn't really think I'd make friends there, and I totally have.
My friends are mostly from my alumni club. . . and one of my best friends is a guy that I work with (but I never see him at work!). . . I have become really close friends with his girlfriend and all of his friends. . . and their friends. . . and their friends.
Could you join a bible study or something in the Roman Catholic group even if you don't belong to the church? My church has a young people's group. Check around for that. . .
I know New England is EXTREMELY more challenging! My only friends outside of work from there were from a young professionals club. . . but it was VERY difficult to meet people there. Soooo cliquey. In Texas, I fall into friends left and right. Everyone is so welcoming.
Now, all of this being said, I think that you aren't going to make any progress with this unless you make peace with the root of your problem: You need to be comfortable in your own skin. No one is going to want to hang out with you if you aren't even happy with yourself. I'm not saying that you need to lose weight, and I know that's certainly not an easy solution even if it was the solution. . . but I think you need to recognize that you are someone who is worthy of good friends and someone that people should want to hang out with! I say this because you might be giving off a negative vibe to people.
I think the key to making friends is to get out. . . get out of the house, get out of your comfort zone, etc. Until you can do that, you will struggle.
This all being said, I'm not a therapist, and I don't even play one on TV. . . so I may be way off base. . . or just sound like a pompous b-word.
I think you are making strides just thinking this through and being honest with yourself.
Hang in there!
Thanks, IG. I did try the local alumni club when I first moved back, but it's filled with old men (that's what happens when your school didn't go co-ed until the 70s!) so I gave up on those events. Also, the ones I did go to were more of a who's who and who's done what...very IDK, cliquey? A+ might know what I'm talking about...as she went to college with me and knows a lot of the same types of people...but maybe it is a New England thing, ha!
As for the church thing--my "home" parish (the one my parents attend) doesn't have anything for people once they've done their confirmation. There isn't even a mom's group--the only "adult" things are the KofC and ladies guild, besides parish council and its committees. The other two parishes in town don't have much more than that. Believe me, I've investigated, lol.
No, you aren't being a pompous b word!! And you're probably right, maybe I do give off a vibe. IDK. I am pretty shy now, even though I used to be more outgoing. IDK what happened.
Thanks for your support :-)
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