Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Some of you might have noticed that my right sidebar thingy is different. My masters degree timeline is gone.

This is true.

A few months ago, I decided not to continue pursuing my MLS degree.

Why?
I wasn't enjoying it THAT much, especially to have it drag out for 3 or 4 more years. (Especially when we'll probably be starting a family in the next few years--I couldn't see myself pregnant/having a newborn, working AND going to school at night) The money I would be spending on the degree wouldn't pay off, salary-wise, for a LONG time. Meaning: me starting out as a librarian in 3 or 4 years would be equal to what I might be making HERE at current job in 3 to 4 years without a masters. I also enjoy my free time! Especially now with the house, and DH's weird work schedule, things would never be done. And I'd never be home.

An interview with GirlWednesday

Thanks to Illini_girl for the idea. :-)

Where have you been?
Ohhh, here and there...nah, just kidding. I've been BUSY with work and getting this house stuff wrapped up and getting ready to move. Oh and PACKING.

Do you know it's been almost a MONTH since you've updated?
Thanks for pointing that out and yes, I do know. I also have a new supervisor, so I need to make sure I'm really getting my work stuff done, and ahead of time. Want to be a good girl!

What's going on with the house?
I just found out (like 5 mins ago) that we have the clear to close!!!!!

Monday, 10/26--walk through in the morning, then closing in the afternoon, probably cleaning after that
Tuesday, 10/27--cleaning, moving our personal stuff
Wednesday, 10/28--carpets are being cleaned. And having the locksmith come, probably.
Thursday, 10/29--MOVING DAY. We hired movers and they are worth every penny. Then my mom and dad gave us a check that JUST happens to cover the moving costs, so we are pumped.
Friday, 10/30--more moving
Saturday, 10/31--cleaning the condo, then handing over the keys to the landlord

Are you excited?
Are the Pope and GirlWednesday Catholic? DOUBLE YES!

What's the first thing you're gonna do when you walk in and it's really yours?
Jump up and down, run around like a 3 yr old, and scream. And hug my DH.

How are you feeling? How's your health?
Other things are going on besides the house? What? Kidding. I'm doing really well. Just had a dr's appt yesterday--maintaining my weight, my insulin levels are great, my glucose levels are too. In other news, I have a CAVITY!!! My first EVER. I really thought I'd never get one...I'm a little sad.

Anything else exciting?
Not really. I think the house is enough excitement for a bit.

2 years

Happy anniversary to me and DH. It's been only 2 years, but we are looking forward to many many more years together.

No big plans tonight--he's working late and I'm going grocery shopping after work. We did go out to a nice dinner on Sunday afternoon...and we're getting a BIG present in about a month. The house ;-)

house and something else

We got the commitment letter from the bank, got a REALLY good interest rate (below 5%) and no points...

There's something else that's been going on and I haven't mentioned it. I think it's because I've been so tied up with the house. I have talked about it before, just not in a long time.

I finally did it. I lost weight and kept it off. I stayed ON the wagon. I lost about 20 lbs in 3 months! I'm down one size (pants & shirts). I have much more to go (probably like 80 more lbs--yes, I'm a bigger lady), but this was a huge start for me.

How did I do it? You're probably wondering, and so have a lot of people.

Nothing magic. No pills, no drinks, no surgeries.

I counted calories and did a little exercise (which has since tapered off to nothing). I started by writing down what I was eating, and figuring out how many calories was in each food item. Lots of measuring, looking things up online or in this little calorie booklet I had. I also had the assistance of a food scale that also contained caloric information. I still ate almost whatever I wanted, I just measured out my portions and recorded it. I tried to keep my caloric intake to between 1500 and 1800 calories.

My doctor is thrilled and so am I! Especially with the smaller pair of jeans I recently treated myself with!

A return to something familiar

I've posted about this before, about feeling like I don't belong or don't have a place.

I'm having that feeling at work again. For awhile I thought things were going well...but I still feel like I don't belong, really. I know, it's weird, especially because it's just WORK, but when you see other people talking about what they do outside of work (and you know you weren't included), it's hard not to feel slighted.

I probably feel more slighted than most because I don't have many local friends. Not that work has to be a direct channel for socialization, but we all know it helps. The people I'm friendly with are all in their early to mid 20s and are single, not really tied down--they are one group. There are other people with whom I'm friendly, a little older, married with kids, all male--they make another group. I don't fit in with either...I'm really trying not to let this bother me, but it does.

I think I'm feeling this way partially because of this weekend. My college friend K got married. Besides her shower last month, I hadn't seen her since MY wedding almost 2 years ago. Same with another friend, A. I really have no idea what's going on in their lives. It makes me wonder why people don't want to keep in touch. Are we really so busy? Is it me? Is it them? Who knows.

doing something NOT house-related this weekend!

Off to a wedding in another state for one of my college roommates. I'm riding up there with another roommate. DH is not coming--he has to work, can't get any time off with a new job. It's a gorgeous day here in my state--should be very beautiful where we are going!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow DH and I are taking a huge step in our lives together. We are choosing to do something that could ultimately change our lives forever. In a good way. In a very expensive way.

Wanna guess? I am sure people have two things on their minds. lol







We are meeting with a Realtor about starting the house hunt!!!! I'm kinda nervous about this, and a little scared, but mostly very excited. DH is like a kid at Christmas, but to be fair, he has been pretty trapped here for a year and a half, while I've gone out to work every day. If I were in his shoes, I'd feel similarly b/c when you rent a tiny condo, you can't do much but clean it.

Anyway, we haven't done anything re: mortgage and all of that stuff yet, we're just meeting with this woman (who has worked for my dad and grandfather, as well as a HS friend of mine) to see if we like her, what she suggests, etc. Our lease is up at the end of November, and while our landlord would probably do a month-to-month with us, we live in New England and trying to do a home inspection with snow on the ground is not going to fly. So we have to act fairly quickly.

I just hope all will work out for the best.

Busy as a little bee...

Yes, I am busy. School is over very shortly, and I have two mini-projects, a big group project (and one member is MIA, lovely!) and the regular weekly reading/responding assignment, all due within a day of each other. Yikes!

I'm also helping DH get ready for his new job. Sunday we went clothes shopping and he got a bunch of new stuff. Today was shoe shopping, and it went very smoothly. He's not an apparel shopper at ALL, but all went well ;-)

I took yesterday and today off from work to spend time with DH. Ever since he got the new job, he's been really itchy about getting the heck out of this rental, and into our own place. I would love that too, but I'm not as itchy...then again, I haven't spent as much time here as he has. Yesterday we spent the majority of the day driving around our state, looking at the different towns that would be halfway (or thereabouts) between my job and his. Another benefit of moving would be that this general location would be an easy distance to other major cities, for future job prospects.

We are going to talk to a Realtor who has worked closely with my family and is family friends with one of my friends...and start the stuff with the bank, and then really get out there and hunt. Our lease is up at the end of November, so the timing is pretty good. I'm really glad I decided to take the fall off from school now! I'd much rather be unpacking and setting up a new home instead of doing homework and going to class! Although I do need to study for and take the GRE--bought a book today at Borders, so no excuses now.

Socially speaking, I've been busier than normal. It seems like everyone is getting married. I just got an invite for my 3rd shower this summer (had one in June, have one next weekend, and now one at the end of August). I have a wedding to go to in August, and probably one in September. I remember hearing people talk about the year of the wedding--when everyone you know is getting married, and I think this one is it! Two coworkers and a friend from college.

Just when you thought things were operating at a dull roar...now everything's waking up, almost like a reverse of the seasons...

Many thanks...

to those who saw my good news on here and sent me comments. Thanks for listening and commenting and for all of the thoughts and prayers and contacts that were sent over these past 16+ months...

It's been a long and rough road, but we're finally on our way.

For the deets:

DH will be a case manager for an alternative incarceration center about 45 mins away from us (in the opposite direction from my job, of course ). His last job was at an AIC, but this is a higher position. This job has more pre-trial clients, whereas his last company was with post-trial/post-prison clients, so there's more hope when they are pre-trial. Sad but true.

A little less money than he was making at his old job, but he's not being picky, and they actually gave him more than the position was being paid b/c of his experience. Still it's a JOB and it's MONEY so we do not care. He starts August 3 and it's biz casual so we have to go shopping, hahahaha. (He haaaates shopping and haaaates wearing biz casual--he's a jeans and T OR a suit and tie guy.)

The schedule is a little tricky, but we knew this before he accepted. He'll be working Tues, Wed, Thurs and Sat from 9-5, and Fri 12-8. Sun and Mon off. But we'll make it work, we've been through much much worse. Now I just have to tell my coworker that he can't go to her wedding, after we've already sent in the RSVP....

We've already decided that Sunday will be our "family" day and that we won't do much but spend time with each other, even if it's just Mass and grocery shopping and hanging around our place. Speaking of "place" we'll be starting the house-hunt around September. So exciting!!!!!

The BEST. NEWS. EVER.

DH GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great weekend!

I need to have more of these. DH and I decided that we'd try and do all errands/chores during the week after dinner, so that we could relax on the weekends. So nice to just sit around and listen to the birds after a great dinner on the grill tonight. All weekends should be like this, is what DH said earlier...and I agree.

Here's to hoping that we can get on this new "plan" and enjoy more time together, doing fun stuff (or even nothing at all really) instead of running from Target to the grocery store to home doing chores and cleaning. Not fun at all.

Feeling slightly overwhelmed...

The eternal question: is it possible to do it all?

I'm not asking this question as a lot of women do, trying to balance career and family (primarily children, but for some it now includes aging parents!). I'm asking this question as ME.

Who am I? A 29 year old, who:

• works full time
• needs to take care of her physical health by eating as well as possible and getting to the gym
• would like to have a neat/tidy home and clean clothes
• wants to relax with her husband, friends, and family
• would love to enjoy hobbies, activities, and even try new things

How can I do this? I always feel like SOMETHING "loses" or, in a worse case scenario, everything loses and I get nothing done because I'm too stressed and don't know where to begin so I shut down and screw off on the internet or something. (Note: I'm waiting for my laundry to be done, so I'm not screwing off, I'm taking a break!)

Maybe I am just not looking at things clearly. DH does help, thank God...if he was working, we'd probably both be scrambling to get things done. For now, he does do a LOT more than me.

What he does:

• most of the laundry
• the grocery shopping
• the cooking (and he's a very good, very INVOLVED cook, so it takes time)
  
• some of the cleaning (or at least he THINKS he does--I believe in a "man" clean and a "woman" clean...)
• takes out the trash
• feeds/waters/plays with the cats ;-)

What I do:

• the rest of the laundry (mostly my "good" clothes that don't go in the dryer)
• the dishes (most go in the dishwasher, so I fill it, empty it and put stuff away)
  
• the after-dinner clean up
• pulling out stuff from the freezer for future dinners
• the litter boxes (oh lucky me, haha)
• the rest of the cleaning (like the drawers in the fridge, scrubbing out the tub, etc.)
• the banking and bill-paying

It might look like I do more, but my jobs take less time. Litter box--5 mins per box. Dishes--10 mins each night, etc.

Sometimes I'm jealous of DH because he is staying home, although he haaaates it. I have this theory that the less money you have, the more stressed you are. Not only because you have less money and life is expensive...it's MORE stressful because the less money you have, the more things you have to do for yourself. No money for cleaning people. No money for laundry service. No money to have the car washed/cleaned. The list goes on. Then you spend all of your free time doing THOSE chores...and very little time for yourself.

I can only imagine what my life will be like once we get a bigger place, and a dog, and a few kids. I think I'll have a nervous breakdown! j/k ;-)

I need a balance...and I think that's what's missing. I'll slack off on something, let's say, cleaning the house. And then one day, I'll get it in me to clean and I'll spend an entire day (or weekend) totally scouring the house...wearing myself out and not enjoying my time off. That sucks. Or I'll spend an entire weekend totally slacking off and getting NOTHING done and then being mad at myself for not even doing a few chores!

I keep trying to figure out ways to balance my time and I'm not doing so well.

OK, so I can't up and quit my job yet and be a stay at home wife, so work has to stay. Here's an example of what my "typical" day should be like:

Usual workday for me = 8 hrs
Commute, round trip = 1.5 hrs (on average)
Getting ready in AM = 1 hr
Gym (plus travel time) = 1 hr
Sleep (in a dream world) = 8 hrs
Before gym (eat/dress) = 0.5 hrs
20 hrs

That leaves 4 hours in the day to eat dinner, see/talk with my husband, prep for the next day (setting out gym and work clothes, making lunch, etc), do stuff around the house like dishes, watering the garden each night, cleaning the litter boxes...oh and relax too. Yeah right. And God forbid I oversleep, don't get to the gym, and get to work late...everything is effed.

Weekends usually consist of me sleeping in way too long (probably b/c I don't get that full 8 hours during the week) and then trying to just chill, which is really a time-waster, going to church which including travel time to/from is about 3-4 hrs on Saturday afternoon/evening, doing any random errands.

I think I'm just not using my time efficiently b/c I'm too stressed out with what I have to do, and don't know where to begin. I know this happens at work ALL of the time.

So for chores this weekend...the downstairs is pretty clean. I vacuumed the living room early last week, and DH mopped/vacuumed the kitchen. I also dusted the entire house last weekend (or maybe 2 weeks ago) and everything still looks pretty good. The stairs and the upstairs need to be vacuumed badly (yay shedding cats) and the bathrooms probably could use what I call a "quick clean." That seems managable. Oh, and I also need to vacuum out the window sills and wash the windows, but there aren't many at this place, so it won't take too long. Those chores don't seem TOO bad, but some how I make them take longer than they should. I do get distracted by DH, the cats, the phone, the TV...you name it. Ugh.

I think I'll report back and see how productive I was this weekend. I really just want to be efficient, because if I can do that, I'll be healthier, a better worker, a happier wife, more relaxed, etc.

A few things to share.

1. My weight is lower than it's been in a long time. I won't give exact numbers, but I've lost almost 10 lbs since my last doctor's appointment. I'm hoping to be at 15 by the time I see her in May.

2. Final exam tonight!!! I'm actually excited, because it means class is O-V-E-R!

3. Tomorrow I get to go on a field trip for work--professional conference.

4. DH has a 2nd interview today, for a company that he really liked. Let's hope they really like him.

5. Ms. M and I are hanging out on Sunday!

Something else

As a point of clarification on the "don't tell me to have a baby" thing.

Before I forget, I wanted to say that my therapist was the one who told me that things would change when DH and I had kids--that we'd meet people that way. I might have blogged about this before, but I'm SOOOOO against my children being a crutch for my socializing! If I meet people b/c I have a baby or child, sure that's fine, but I don't want my kid being my sole way to meet people. That's not fair to anyone!

On another note, I'm doing a bit better. I did some chores--laundry, dishes, cleaned a bit, studied for my final on Wednesday, talked with DH outside and relaxed. I think I just need to keep busy. DH suggested that I do some kind of physical activity--it'd be good for body and mind. I agree.

So...what should I do!?!?

Follow up to yesterday's post...

I was coming here to write this, and then I saw I had two comments, so I will address those, too.

The reason I used puppy and baby in my post yesterday because it seems that with both, there are socializing opportunities...the dog park, puppy kindergarten, play groups, storytime at the library. From what I've seen (and this has been on Facebook, so it's not totally accurate info) even people who haven't talked to each other since HS are now meeting up and reconnecting because they both have kids. Or people who stayed in touch and live in my same town/area all had kids around the same time.

I don't know, I'm just lonely, even though I have a husband and three cats, lol. It makes me down, and then my husband thinks it's him. It's not! There's just...I don't know, only so much you can do when you don't have a lot of money to spend so you can't just "take off" on random jaunts, and you don't own a house, where something always needs to be done, lol or you can just sit outside...so a lot of the time DH and I are "relegated" to our apartment or we're out running errands because they are necessary expenses (Target, grocery store, etc) and it's something to do/somewhere to go.

I might have blogged about this before, but my workplace is not a place to make friends--there was someone who I was getting chummy with and she got fired and then wouldn't answer my emails. Another girl got laid off. There aren't a lot of females or even opportunities to get to know them better, since everyone kinda does their own thing during the workday. Where I work is a small town, so it's not like there are lots of after work hang out spots. A bunch of us have tried to do things like happy hours but everyone's got some kind of conflict and no one goes. (Or it's always scheduled when I have something I can't get out of...sigh.)

KC--I have thought about a book club, especially with my interests and future career plans! My town's library has one, but it meets at THREE PM on a weekday. Lovely. The other towns in the area don't have any! The bookstore I used to work at has them, but I feel weird going back there, I don't know why. It's not like I left on bad terms or anything. Maybe because I haven't been there really since I left? Maybe becaused I gained a lot of weight? I don't know. I just looked at their website and I can't find anything about them, so maybe they got rid of the clubs?

A+--I know what you're saying and I am afraid that when my time comes, I won't have a "network" and will be all alone in that new adventure. School has been OK, I'll talk with people before class or as we're walking out, but it's not really just gonna happen like that, you know? My summer class is online, maybe in the fall I'll see people from this semester again.

Just got a comment from Ms. M, so I'll reply to that too--I have thought about volunteering, and actually it was something my therapist recommended. I just have to get off my butt and find places to do it...

I think I just wish I hadn't isolated myself when I first came back "home" after college or had put myself out there more...hadn't lost touch with former coworkers when I left jobs. My personality is such that when I get involved with new stuff, I get overwhelmed and focus ONLY on that thing. It's weird...

DH and I were talking about this stuff last night, and he's having more luck lately meeting up with people who have common interests. Right now, he's out with someone he met through someone else, lol. He thinks it's because men have more active interests, and women usually don't. I think he might be right. DH is into fishing, hunting, sports--things you usually do with others! What am I interested in? Reading, crafty stuff, gardening--mostly things you do on your own.

The few friends I have around here, I'm not really doing anything with them when I see them, because what is there to do? Get food/coffee and/or shop. It's a vicious cycle because of the money stuff. The local friends are also all about an hour's drive away, so trying to meet up in the middle can be difficult too, because it's not just you can sit in a restaurant for hours at a time. I've thought about inviting people over, but it just feels weird to me. Like, what would we do at my house for 4 or 5 hours??? In this tiny apartment??? Maybe I'm overthinking it. I probably am.

DH also thinks I talk myself out of things or find reasons not to do stuff. He's right. I just get stressed/overwhelmed with things and then find reasons not to do them, and I'm embarrassed about how much weight I've gained, soooo, there ya go. I also think I've never really learned now to socialize/entertain, so that's why it feels awkward when I even think about doing it.

This stuff just doesn't feel organic...it feels fake and forced. But maybe that's what happens now that you're a grown up?

Thanks for reading/listening...

How does a 29 year old make new friends?

If you have the answer, please let me know. And don't tell me to get a puppy or have a baby...I want my friends to be friends because of me...not because of something I have or did.

Sometimes I hate being the way I am.

unemployment makes us distant

Over the past year and almost-two-months that DH has been laid off, we don't go as many places or talk to as many people anymore.

It's not really the money, since it doesn't cost much to pick up the phone or send an email.

It's the...uncomfortable feelings that come with dealing with well-intentioned family and friends.

The questions.

The things that are left unsaid.

I don't want to deal with the people--their questions, their thoughts. So I don't.

I know I have isolated myself.

Having a long-term unemployment makes me feel very isolated, personally. I don't feel like there's much I can contribute to conversations. I'm not buying a house, I'm not getting a puppy, I'm not getting married, I'm not going on vacation this summer. I don't think many people are doing all of these things, but there are very few things to look forward to right now. I'm just sad a lot of the time. 14 months is a long time to have to deal with something that you want to change, but have no control over.

Additionally, not many people understand how DH and I feel right now. That sounds silly when the unemployment rate is so high, but for the people we know, we're the "oddity." So everyone just smiles and tells us how sorry they are...but no one knows how to help. Can we be helped? Who knows. It's almost patronizing, like we're two little kids who lost their puppy.

I want to look forward to something, but that thing is not guaranteed. Why dare to hope if it might not happen?

What do we do then? I still have a job, yes, but it's hard to enjoy it or feel proud of my work when I know my husband feels so badly about his working situation. I'm working on my masters, but my husband already has his and hasn't brought him anywhere in his career.

Is it really worth it for me to keep doing what I'm doing? I wish someone had an answer for me, to make it easier for me, and for DH, too.

just took a green quiz...

...which I got from Hippy Habibi's blog.

I'm not pleased. I only scored a 25.

*scowl face* I'm such a perfectionist about some things, but I'm trying not to beat myself up too much. Some "green" things you just can't do when you don't own your residence, or have to "answer" to a home owners association.

I promise, Mother Earth! I'll do better when I own my own home, with a yard and a garden and stuff!

So...how'd you do? Take it here.

ETA: I don't know why my links aren't showing up. Click on "Hippy Habibi's blog" to vist HER blog. Click on the word "here" to get to the green quiz.

ETA2: The links show up on this computer (my home laptop). At work, where I originally created this post, the links didn't show up. Strange.

one more, real quick...

Talk about me and the Irish goodbyes (I'm 1/4 Irish, I can say that!)....

I just got an image for myself, and it's a rabbit "done" in the style of the LOLcats at http://icanhascheezburger.com/.

I love the LOLcats and I love rabbits and I love message boards. One might even say I'm rabbit-like. That image/name/whatever has followed me throughout life. (Oooh, a future post!)

So I figured this picture would be most fitting for me and my blog. Yay!

Okay kids...

I know it's been almost 2 months since I've written anything here. My bad.

So what's been going on in the world of GirlWednesday?

1. I started school. Taking my first class towards my masters in library science. Not too bad, but it is kinda boring. Yay for intro classes. I'm trying to figure out the fastest way for me to get this degree done, but not so fast that I have no time for anything else, or get stressed out or something.

2. DH is still unemployed. He's had some interviews over the past two weeks, but either the job is TOO shady (like using his own car and insurance to transport people--YIKES) or the job won't be open for another year...mayyyybe. (Side note: who the heck interviews someone only to tell them that???) We're almost at one year of unemployment.

3. I still have a job, but I've lost 6 coworkers in the past 6 weeks. (Not one per week.) They did a round of layoffs (4 people) in mid-January, and then two more people were cut on Friday. My department was cut in half during the first round. Sheesh. Things are slow--less deadlines, less things being asked of me...I'm scared, but I'm hoping that everything will turn out for the best.

4. Diet and exercise have been...ehhhh. I'm thinking about trying Weight Watchers. I don't know what the heck to do about fitting in my exercise, esp. with school and work, but we'll see. The gym bag is always packed and ready to go...



Things I am looking forward to...

1. Being done with my class and taking another one this summer. Note to self: register already!

2. Starting a garden. I talked with my mom yesterday and I'm going to start one over at my parents' house. They have a huge yard and my mom already has a vegetable garden plowed out, so the soil just needs to be tilled and planted. My mom won't be around much over the summer, as my aunt is having hip replacement surgery (she's not even 50!!!!) and mom will be helping to take care of her.

3. Working better on diet/exercise.

4. I'm also attempting to live simpler, so we'll see how that goes.

Hopefully it won't be another 2 months before you hear from me again! I think blogger is now unblocked at my job ;-)