House hunting, part "I don't know"

Still house hunting. We've been out more than twice now, but I can't tell you how many times. I lost count. It's still fun, but we really want to find THE home.

We've realized that raised ranches don't really fit us or our lifestyles and we're much better off with a colonial. We saw one that we LOVED but there are some cosmetic issues that we are concerned with so S, our Realtor, is investigating and asking lots of questions of the listing agent.

When I say "cosmetic issues," please don't think that I'm being a Diva and saying things like "ewww, I hate that shade of pink on the walls, I can't live here!" but "is that spackle job hiding water damage?" and "why is there so much blown-in insulation in the attic?" We want to make sure we aren't buying a lemon. Nasty pink walls can be painted. Serious damage or a lack of good insulation...harder and more expensive to fix.

So, no real updates...not yet...

Otherwise, things are good, just BUSY. Going out once or twice a week to look at houses can mess with your schedule and routine just a bit. DH is settling in nicely with his job--they give new hires TONS of training. My work is busy too.

Is this a preview of things to come?

Today is DH's first day of work and I am so nervous. I know everything will be OK, and it's more anticipation and excitement for him, but jeez, you'd think I had just sent my kid off to a new school! Is this how I'll be someday when I DO send my child off on the first day? LOL

It's a new adventure, and a positive one for us, so I need to just relax, and remember that I'll hear alllll about it when I get home tonight. (After I return his pants that we bought in the wrong size, of course, lol)

In other news, the Realtor has already sent us some prospective houses to look at. I got SO excited last night, and squealed. I am NOT a squealer.

Busy as a little bee...

Yes, I am busy. School is over very shortly, and I have two mini-projects, a big group project (and one member is MIA, lovely!) and the regular weekly reading/responding assignment, all due within a day of each other. Yikes!

I'm also helping DH get ready for his new job. Sunday we went clothes shopping and he got a bunch of new stuff. Today was shoe shopping, and it went very smoothly. He's not an apparel shopper at ALL, but all went well ;-)

I took yesterday and today off from work to spend time with DH. Ever since he got the new job, he's been really itchy about getting the heck out of this rental, and into our own place. I would love that too, but I'm not as itchy...then again, I haven't spent as much time here as he has. Yesterday we spent the majority of the day driving around our state, looking at the different towns that would be halfway (or thereabouts) between my job and his. Another benefit of moving would be that this general location would be an easy distance to other major cities, for future job prospects.

We are going to talk to a Realtor who has worked closely with my family and is family friends with one of my friends...and start the stuff with the bank, and then really get out there and hunt. Our lease is up at the end of November, so the timing is pretty good. I'm really glad I decided to take the fall off from school now! I'd much rather be unpacking and setting up a new home instead of doing homework and going to class! Although I do need to study for and take the GRE--bought a book today at Borders, so no excuses now.

Socially speaking, I've been busier than normal. It seems like everyone is getting married. I just got an invite for my 3rd shower this summer (had one in June, have one next weekend, and now one at the end of August). I have a wedding to go to in August, and probably one in September. I remember hearing people talk about the year of the wedding--when everyone you know is getting married, and I think this one is it! Two coworkers and a friend from college.

Just when you thought things were operating at a dull roar...now everything's waking up, almost like a reverse of the seasons...

Many thanks...

to those who saw my good news on here and sent me comments. Thanks for listening and commenting and for all of the thoughts and prayers and contacts that were sent over these past 16+ months...

It's been a long and rough road, but we're finally on our way.

For the deets:

DH will be a case manager for an alternative incarceration center about 45 mins away from us (in the opposite direction from my job, of course ). His last job was at an AIC, but this is a higher position. This job has more pre-trial clients, whereas his last company was with post-trial/post-prison clients, so there's more hope when they are pre-trial. Sad but true.

A little less money than he was making at his old job, but he's not being picky, and they actually gave him more than the position was being paid b/c of his experience. Still it's a JOB and it's MONEY so we do not care. He starts August 3 and it's biz casual so we have to go shopping, hahahaha. (He haaaates shopping and haaaates wearing biz casual--he's a jeans and T OR a suit and tie guy.)

The schedule is a little tricky, but we knew this before he accepted. He'll be working Tues, Wed, Thurs and Sat from 9-5, and Fri 12-8. Sun and Mon off. But we'll make it work, we've been through much much worse. Now I just have to tell my coworker that he can't go to her wedding, after we've already sent in the RSVP....

We've already decided that Sunday will be our "family" day and that we won't do much but spend time with each other, even if it's just Mass and grocery shopping and hanging around our place. Speaking of "place" we'll be starting the house-hunt around September. So exciting!!!!!

The BEST. NEWS. EVER.

DH GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello and goodbye...

Just popping into say hi, and that I'll be gone for a few days. Going to NYC to BookExpo America. Lots of busy-ness and business to take care of!

http://www.bookexpoamerica.com/

unemployment makes us distant

Over the past year and almost-two-months that DH has been laid off, we don't go as many places or talk to as many people anymore.

It's not really the money, since it doesn't cost much to pick up the phone or send an email.

It's the...uncomfortable feelings that come with dealing with well-intentioned family and friends.

The questions.

The things that are left unsaid.

I don't want to deal with the people--their questions, their thoughts. So I don't.

I know I have isolated myself.

Having a long-term unemployment makes me feel very isolated, personally. I don't feel like there's much I can contribute to conversations. I'm not buying a house, I'm not getting a puppy, I'm not getting married, I'm not going on vacation this summer. I don't think many people are doing all of these things, but there are very few things to look forward to right now. I'm just sad a lot of the time. 14 months is a long time to have to deal with something that you want to change, but have no control over.

Additionally, not many people understand how DH and I feel right now. That sounds silly when the unemployment rate is so high, but for the people we know, we're the "oddity." So everyone just smiles and tells us how sorry they are...but no one knows how to help. Can we be helped? Who knows. It's almost patronizing, like we're two little kids who lost their puppy.

I want to look forward to something, but that thing is not guaranteed. Why dare to hope if it might not happen?

What do we do then? I still have a job, yes, but it's hard to enjoy it or feel proud of my work when I know my husband feels so badly about his working situation. I'm working on my masters, but my husband already has his and hasn't brought him anywhere in his career.

Is it really worth it for me to keep doing what I'm doing? I wish someone had an answer for me, to make it easier for me, and for DH, too.

Oh, one more thing.

I might get to blog for work soon. This should be interesting. I brought it up to the Bossman and he liked my ideas.

Whoo hoo!

Constant Contact

I use it for work, for a variety of tasks (it's an email marketing program)....and it's driving me nuts!!!!!! When I "preview" my newsletter or whatever, it looks fine, but then I test email it to myself and the images/wording has shifted.

MAKE IT STOOOOP!!!!! I just want to do my work and be done with it.

How I feel about work right now...

Warning: some of you might have read this before, elsewhere ;-)

This is so totally random, but I had to get it off of my chest.

I really enjoyed this vacation, and I really don't want to go back to work. I know I have to, I'm a big girl and there's no other option available to me. I'll probably go back in on Friday--I'm an alternate, so unless something happens with one of the "regular" jurors, I'm off the hook.

I could bitch and whine more about how I don't like working, but since I enjoyed my juror experience so much, I am trying to think of ways to incorporate what I liked about this into my work life.

The office gets me too stressed out. I even want to cry right now, thinking about the things I've missed, what I have to do when I get back. I definitely need some balance. I don't know if I'm crazy/off the mark with trying to carry some of this stuff over, but at least I know what I need during my day (life?) to make me happy. And if I can't get it at this current job, then I'll know what to look for in the future.

What I enjoyed, and would like more of in my day-to-day:

1. the discipline--I've enjoyed having a definitive start time every day and knowing what I was supposed to do. If you can't tell, a big part of my work stress comes from feeling like I'm being pulled in a million directions, no one knows what anyone else is doing, etc.

2. the hour long lunches! I could actually relax. And do something besides stuff my face. I actually ate and read, then worked on my needlepoint.

3. the QUIET--oh my god, it's been fabulous. I could think. My mind wasn't racing in a million directions.


How I can achieve this:

1. No effing clue. I've asked for agendas, for help prioritizing my work, but new things continuously pop up and then I feel like I get nothing accomplished. Or, I feel like I'm constantly running to my boss to ask him to re-prioritize things. I wish I could just "start fresh" and get rid of everything extraneous, but I have projects and things from September that still aren't complete because of new, more pressing, matters. Drives me insane.

I don't even know what I can say, if I can say anything at all, to my boss without sounding whiny, insubordinate, difficult, or anything else. It's easy to try not to let anything bother me, but it's my job, and I want to do a good one...but I don't want to feel stressed about everything.

The only thing I CAN control is when I get in and when I leave...and since this is basically left up to me, it's hard because most of the time I don't want to be there at all.

2. I don't think this is possible to arrange. We don't really have set work times to begin with (hi, no discipline) and the "rule" is 1/2 hour for lunch. We don't have a real break room, which is annoying. All we've got is a big dining table and chairs (think of boardroom furniture, lol) in an open space right near my cube area.

All I want it some space and peace/quiet when I eat or take a break. We're all mashed in tightly and it's right near my desk, so half of the time I don't even take a real lunch b/c it's like why bother? Plus, there's no escaping anyone.

The only way around this, I think, is to eat in my car, but that's pretty ridiculous.

3. This is a huge issue of mine. I need it quiet to work, to focus, to get stuff done. Instead, I'm in a cube in a "garage" and I'm right on the walkway that leads from the back door to the main door so I hear the FedEx/UPS guys, the smokers, the people who are coming/going in/out...then I've got the library sales BOYS (who are literally 22 and 23 years old) goofing off in between sales calls or yelling/peering over cube walls. This is not the dorm!

I usually listen to my headphones and try to block out the noise, but it can only help so much. And sometimes I need to work without music, to better focus. I'm not asking for it to be absolutely silent, but people should not be yelling either. I've talked to my boss about the noise, but little, if anything, is done. Sometimes I feel like I'm this crazy old lady who needs things like a study hall!



I hate feeling stuck, like there really is no alternative. I don't know what else I can ask for or suggest to remedy how I feel about going back. Grr.

I'm still alive!

I've probably mentioned this before, but everything at work that's good, is blocked. No facebook, no myspace, no blogger, no message boards (for the most part)...not even food network! Seriously! It's crazy.

At home, I've been busy trying to relax and enjoy my down time and spend time with my husband. Work is always nutty, but I have been trying to dial it down a notch and NOT give it my all. Maybe then they'll see that I wasn't messing around and that I do need help with the work load.

Anyway, today I called in sick because of some issues that DH and I had. Not between us, thank God, this was something to do with the little bastard known as the stock market. See, DH was in a bad accident a few years ago, got a nice settlement from the person who injured him, and this money is in a structured settlement thingy (for lack of a better word, haha) with one of the big companies in the news these days. We were up all night, very upset, freaking out. As he's still unemployed, the monthly checks from this settlement were helping us get by. If that money suddenly disappeared, we'd be in BIG trouble. My salary cannot and would not support two people.

After a frantic call this morning to DH's lawyer, we quickly learned that all would be OK. PHEW! Now, for him to get a job...but that is out of our hands as well. Lots of interviews, no bites. It's upsetting. For him--he feels like a failure, he's bored, he feels like he'll never get anywhere in his career. For me--I want him to be doing something, so he doesn't feel like crap, and I get a bit jealous and resentful b/c he can stay home. For us--he feels like a bad husband, and I just hate being the sole breadwinner and the one who is responsible for everything right now. This has taken a toll on the both of us...and for it to happen during the first year of marriage, it sucks even more.

A lot of people like to weigh in on this, giving me advice. Until you have been there, it's hard to give REALLY sound advice. It's easy to say "oh try XYZ company" or "has he thought about just doing some part time retail job?" The economy sucks, people.

Here are some funny exchanges with people about my DH's job stuff...

Bossman: How's the job search going?
Me: Oh fine, thanks for asking...it's going.
Bossman: (incredulously) You aren't nagging at him?!?!
Me: Uhhh no...I can't make people hire him.
Boss: Oh...wow...well (mutters something)

Are you SERIOUS??? As if me nagging would help him to find a job, or get someone to higher him faster? It doesn't work like that, buddy.

My mom: What would (DH) like for his birthday?
Me: A job.
Mom: No, seriously.
Me: I AM serious. He doesn't need anything else.

C'mon mom, you know me (and him) better than this!


I actually had to tell a friend of mine last week that as much as I appreciated her concern, I didn't want to talk to her about DH's job stuff anymore. It was like every time she contacted me, the first thing she'd ask was "So how's the job search?"

SHUT UP. PLEASE.

Now I know how women who have issues getting pregnant feel when every time they talk to someone, all they want to do is talk babies. It hurts. It's annoying. It makes you angry. It makes you feel guilty, like you have to cover for your husband, so people don't think he's a slacker or lazy. Or unmotivated.

I try not to take people's suggestions/comments *too* personally, but it's hard. My husband is my family and if you say something about him, it hurts me too.

Grrr, I just wish there was a way out of this.

work ethic

What do you do when the people with whom you work fairly closely have a different work ethic than you?

How do you manage not to get stressed out and freak when people do things differently?

How do you not become taken advantage of? Or make sure everyone is treated fairly and equally?

Grrrr....

This is ironic...

DH and I go to a diner close to our house quite a bit.

Last night, we ran out at 10 for a late dinner. At the counter, there was a box of candy (like ones you get for fundraisers). The sign says something about supporting JUVENILE DIABETES.

WTF?

Made me chuckle, in an effed up way.


In other news, a TON of stuff at work has been blocked. Blogger is one of them--I found that out when trying to look up a reviewer who blogs. So I had to have IT unblock all of my legit sites. We'll see if ALL of Blogger is unblocked or just THOSE sites. Greaaaaat. And I do my work! Someone probably ruined it for the rest of us. Damn those "bad apples."

Gotta do what ya gotta do...

DH had an interview with the state. Didn't go that great. He did fine, just not impressed with the position/location.

I am still stuck here until he gets a job...just have to keep on keepin' on. When he gets something and gets settled, then I can have my turn. (DH actually said something about ME taking a hiatus!) But what should I do? I don't know...I'm feeling stuck again in re: to what should I do with my life?

I just had three days off (plus the weekend)...and it was very hard to come back today.

I guess what I need to do is keep work at work, and find things at home to do that are fun. I actually worked on my needlepoint over the days off and got a lot accomplished. I even bought two new projects for the hell of it!

Part of me wants to go back to school for design/decorating. But can you make money?? LOL I don't think so. Ugh, it's annoying...and I'm just rambling right now.

Ugh, Mondays

I'm tired, even though I went to bed early. I feel like a 3 month old--I'm not sleeping well through the night. Why have a baby when I'm sleeping like one!? Oh wait a sec, that might be a good thing...at least we'd be on the same sleeping schedule.

I came into work late. Fortunately, we can do this (yay flex time) and I have a work laptop at home so that I can log into my email and see if there's anything pressing before I venture out into the world. Not this morning. Tomorrow I do need to be in before 9 since there's a 9 am conference call with the remote sales reps.

I'm so not motivated today. I had a huge cup of coffee only 2 hrs ago, but I think I need a swimming pool sized cup to get me through the day. Been here almost a half hour and managed to go through my new email, write a few replies, look at my to-do list, check my personal email, check some blogs, and now I'm here.

I'm debating whether or not to ask my boss about working from home, at least 1 day a week. Any tips on how to approach this?

Thank God the 4th is on a Friday this year--last year it was on a Thursday, but we had to come in on the Friday. Yuck.

A post that's more marriage/relationship-related.

Since that was sorta the intent of this blog. But if you know me, I get easily distracted and off-topic. Oh, and I like to talk/write. LOL

So DH and I had a talk yesterday re: our time together, how I always seem stressed and on-edge, even in my down time. Work makes me stressed.

I told him that it's mostly b/c I don't have a lot of free time, and that I feel so pressed to do so many things--things I want to do (crafty stuff, reading), things I need to do (going to the gym, errands) and things I have to do (cleaning the litter box).

I'm going to make a list, one in 3 parts, of things that I want to get done (similar to my list on here, of fun stuff), things that we can do together (since we had a big fight a few weeks ago about not doing enough stuff together) and things that HAVE to get done (house crap).

Hopefully this will help me not to feel so stressed out about EVERYTHING. Also, we discussed having a 10 minute "pick up time" every night. Just to organize the house a bit, so we're not doing HUGE jobs on the weekends. Sure, things like vacuuming and dusting can really only be done on the weekends when there's more time, but straightening up the living room and disposing of junk mail instead of letting it pile up on the coffee table(*ahem* DH!) can be done in small pockets of time.

I'll keep ya posted ;-)

Almost a week and no posts...

So I better do one now.

The picture on this entry was taken by yours truly. These are leis that we got in Hawaii at our first hotel. Mine was beautiful and smelled so delicious...but it DIED. DH's came home with us and is sitting on our bookcase. It's made out of a nut. I forgot which one. So yes, we have our honeymoon pics finally and they are in an album and all of that. To those of you whom I love, I'll email you the shutterfly link when I get a free moment.

I'm kinda ehh right now. We're not going to Philly next month--we're going in September, around our anniversary. I'm slightly disappointed, but DH and I didn't talk about where we'd be getting the $$ from (I assumed it would come from his settlement account) so we need some time to save up some more.

I'm still taking the days off next month that I requested--we'll just do some things locally instead. I need a break.

I'm mostly ehh b/c I make a fairly decent salary and DH brings in OK money through his settlement checks (which we're using to boost our income now that he's not working) but it just doesn't seem like enough at times. We're paying our bills (and we have NO debt, so it's like, WTF?) and staying alive, but there's no room for too much fun. I know people have done it on less...maybe it's b/c they were doing it when gas was only $2.50/gal instead of $4.29???? Maybe they put lot of stuff on credit cards, whereas we don't? I do play the "comparison" game at times, which is bad, I know, but it sucks when there are things you want to do but you can't. Anyway.

DH thinks I want too much some times, and maybe I do. I just thought that when you were an "adult" you'd get to do a lot of fun things...especially now that I'm making the most I've ever made before. I think it'll get better when he gets a job, since it'll be more than he gets from his other income, and a LOT more than he gets from unemployment! We can then save, which is something we haven't done since before he got laid off.

I do have good news on the job front--he heard from someone with whom he has connections (in the dept that's a division of state govt.) that they just received all of the resumes that were submitted for the openings, so HOPEFULLY he'll get a call soon re: an interview!!!! Please--say a prayer, cross your fingers, wish on a star, anything.

I love Bossman.

After all of this crap I've been dealing with, over the past week or so, I had a meeting with my boss today.

Was in there almost an hour, talking about work stuff, trying to get everything done with firedgirl gone. I got a little flustered, but he told me that he didn't expect miracles, just get it done as best I can...then we went into some personal stuff--he asked about DH's job search stuff, and it went into stuff about working and balancing it with marriage and stuff.

He's so nice. He asked again if DH wanted to come work here. He also said that he's noticed how much time I've been putting in and he appreciates it. When I told him that DH and I were both very appreciative of the offer for DH to work here, he's like "we just want to keep you happy." STFU!!!!

At the beginning of the meeting, I mentioned that I hoped to be leaving early today, and at the end of the meeting, he's like "so...you're leaving at like 3? 4?" I said, "Probably 3" and he said "OK, just let me know when you leave."

As much as I was upset this week having to do everything, I really do have a great boss and a pretty good company. This was just a bad week (it usually is right before our huge annual trade show).

Uh oh.

Mrs. Owner came in this morning, and she's usually only here MWF.

She comes over to my desk (oh no....) and is all chatty.

She wants to take me out to lunch (OH NO!) after they (most of the upper peeps here) get back from a trade show on the other side of the country.

Ummmm, okay.

I really want to like her. I really do. I think I could learn a lot from her. I don't know what is preventing me from letting my guard down, just a bit, with her.

I think it was all of the past BS that went on here.

Made me freak out a bit about talking to her too much. Or maybe it was her own freak outs that caused me to keep my distance

I don't know.


Ha, should I tell her that DH and I never used their (Mr & Mrs Owner's) wedding gift because when we got to Hawaii my company credit card had expired? LOL

(They called me the day before the wedding, all sorry that they didn't get me anything, and wanted me to charge a nice dinner on the CC. That was a funny night, when I handed the waiter my card and he came right back saying it had expired. WHOOOOPS.)

Some things that are bothering me lately....

1. This Ted Kennedy with a brain tumor thing. It's not really about him. My uncle died of the SAME type of tumor less than 2 years ago. He lived in Boston. Seeing all the news coverage is like ripping off the scab and exposing the wound. I don't think our family has been the same since he died. I also know what Ted will face, and that's not a pretty future.

2. My husband remains unemployed. He's gone on two interviews but no success. He's applied for a TON of positions, it just requires waiting. I'm not a good waiter. Neither is he. I worry about the future. It sucks to be the sole breadwinner, to HAVE to go to work, to carry the health insurance...puts a lot of pressure on me. I just pray that by the time we have kids, he'll be in a good job, a stable one, with good insurance, so that I can be a SAHM or work part time.

3. Work is not replacing fired girl. I can't do her job AND mine. I think it's nice that they think I can, but I can't. I just can't do it all. I've worked I don't know how many hours already in the past two weeks, trying to make up stuff. My body is beat.