Hello and goodbye...

Just popping into say hi, and that I'll be gone for a few days. Going to NYC to BookExpo America. Lots of busy-ness and business to take care of!

http://www.bookexpoamerica.com/

here, but hiding

I don't have much to say these days, to anyone. Not much is going on in my life. So, I'll keep on hiding.

ASLDKFASJDIFESDNFSIWR!!!!!!1!!!!1!!!!

I am so...ugh, I don't know, right now.

Mad?

Sad?

Angry?

Annoyed?

Maybe all of them?

I just found out that my friend's husband got a new job. Already HAS a job. A pretty good one, at that. Never been laid off.

WHY? WHEN WILL IT BE OUR TURN????? WHY DOES BAD STUFF KEEP HAPPENING TO DH AND I???????????

A few things to share.

1. My weight is lower than it's been in a long time. I won't give exact numbers, but I've lost almost 10 lbs since my last doctor's appointment. I'm hoping to be at 15 by the time I see her in May.

2. Final exam tonight!!! I'm actually excited, because it means class is O-V-E-R!

3. Tomorrow I get to go on a field trip for work--professional conference.

4. DH has a 2nd interview today, for a company that he really liked. Let's hope they really like him.

5. Ms. M and I are hanging out on Sunday!

Calling all parents--book news!

Thought this might be of use/help to you parents who read my blog...

From an email/newsletter thing I get every day, called Shelf Awareness:

Shelf Awareness children's editor Jennifer M. Brown is launching Twenty by Jenny, a website to help parents build their child's library one book at a time. The site guides parents to "twenty classics" in each of four age groups (0-3, 4-7, 8-12 and teen) and also offers the opportunity for parents to sign up for Jenny's newsletter to receive a new featured book review for each age group each month. (If they sign up for all four age groups, they'll receive four book reviews per month.) In addition, there's a Twenty by Jenny blog which explores book-related themes--such as the importance of reading aloud--and encourages conversation.

http://www.twentybyjenny.com/

Enjoy!

Something else

As a point of clarification on the "don't tell me to have a baby" thing.

Before I forget, I wanted to say that my therapist was the one who told me that things would change when DH and I had kids--that we'd meet people that way. I might have blogged about this before, but I'm SOOOOO against my children being a crutch for my socializing! If I meet people b/c I have a baby or child, sure that's fine, but I don't want my kid being my sole way to meet people. That's not fair to anyone!

On another note, I'm doing a bit better. I did some chores--laundry, dishes, cleaned a bit, studied for my final on Wednesday, talked with DH outside and relaxed. I think I just need to keep busy. DH suggested that I do some kind of physical activity--it'd be good for body and mind. I agree.

So...what should I do!?!?

Follow up to yesterday's post...

I was coming here to write this, and then I saw I had two comments, so I will address those, too.

The reason I used puppy and baby in my post yesterday because it seems that with both, there are socializing opportunities...the dog park, puppy kindergarten, play groups, storytime at the library. From what I've seen (and this has been on Facebook, so it's not totally accurate info) even people who haven't talked to each other since HS are now meeting up and reconnecting because they both have kids. Or people who stayed in touch and live in my same town/area all had kids around the same time.

I don't know, I'm just lonely, even though I have a husband and three cats, lol. It makes me down, and then my husband thinks it's him. It's not! There's just...I don't know, only so much you can do when you don't have a lot of money to spend so you can't just "take off" on random jaunts, and you don't own a house, where something always needs to be done, lol or you can just sit outside...so a lot of the time DH and I are "relegated" to our apartment or we're out running errands because they are necessary expenses (Target, grocery store, etc) and it's something to do/somewhere to go.

I might have blogged about this before, but my workplace is not a place to make friends--there was someone who I was getting chummy with and she got fired and then wouldn't answer my emails. Another girl got laid off. There aren't a lot of females or even opportunities to get to know them better, since everyone kinda does their own thing during the workday. Where I work is a small town, so it's not like there are lots of after work hang out spots. A bunch of us have tried to do things like happy hours but everyone's got some kind of conflict and no one goes. (Or it's always scheduled when I have something I can't get out of...sigh.)

KC--I have thought about a book club, especially with my interests and future career plans! My town's library has one, but it meets at THREE PM on a weekday. Lovely. The other towns in the area don't have any! The bookstore I used to work at has them, but I feel weird going back there, I don't know why. It's not like I left on bad terms or anything. Maybe because I haven't been there really since I left? Maybe becaused I gained a lot of weight? I don't know. I just looked at their website and I can't find anything about them, so maybe they got rid of the clubs?

A+--I know what you're saying and I am afraid that when my time comes, I won't have a "network" and will be all alone in that new adventure. School has been OK, I'll talk with people before class or as we're walking out, but it's not really just gonna happen like that, you know? My summer class is online, maybe in the fall I'll see people from this semester again.

Just got a comment from Ms. M, so I'll reply to that too--I have thought about volunteering, and actually it was something my therapist recommended. I just have to get off my butt and find places to do it...

I think I just wish I hadn't isolated myself when I first came back "home" after college or had put myself out there more...hadn't lost touch with former coworkers when I left jobs. My personality is such that when I get involved with new stuff, I get overwhelmed and focus ONLY on that thing. It's weird...

DH and I were talking about this stuff last night, and he's having more luck lately meeting up with people who have common interests. Right now, he's out with someone he met through someone else, lol. He thinks it's because men have more active interests, and women usually don't. I think he might be right. DH is into fishing, hunting, sports--things you usually do with others! What am I interested in? Reading, crafty stuff, gardening--mostly things you do on your own.

The few friends I have around here, I'm not really doing anything with them when I see them, because what is there to do? Get food/coffee and/or shop. It's a vicious cycle because of the money stuff. The local friends are also all about an hour's drive away, so trying to meet up in the middle can be difficult too, because it's not just you can sit in a restaurant for hours at a time. I've thought about inviting people over, but it just feels weird to me. Like, what would we do at my house for 4 or 5 hours??? In this tiny apartment??? Maybe I'm overthinking it. I probably am.

DH also thinks I talk myself out of things or find reasons not to do stuff. He's right. I just get stressed/overwhelmed with things and then find reasons not to do them, and I'm embarrassed about how much weight I've gained, soooo, there ya go. I also think I've never really learned now to socialize/entertain, so that's why it feels awkward when I even think about doing it.

This stuff just doesn't feel organic...it feels fake and forced. But maybe that's what happens now that you're a grown up?

Thanks for reading/listening...