A few things to share.

1. My weight is lower than it's been in a long time. I won't give exact numbers, but I've lost almost 10 lbs since my last doctor's appointment. I'm hoping to be at 15 by the time I see her in May.

2. Final exam tonight!!! I'm actually excited, because it means class is O-V-E-R!

3. Tomorrow I get to go on a field trip for work--professional conference.

4. DH has a 2nd interview today, for a company that he really liked. Let's hope they really like him.

5. Ms. M and I are hanging out on Sunday!

Calling all parents--book news!

Thought this might be of use/help to you parents who read my blog...

From an email/newsletter thing I get every day, called Shelf Awareness:

Shelf Awareness children's editor Jennifer M. Brown is launching Twenty by Jenny, a website to help parents build their child's library one book at a time. The site guides parents to "twenty classics" in each of four age groups (0-3, 4-7, 8-12 and teen) and also offers the opportunity for parents to sign up for Jenny's newsletter to receive a new featured book review for each age group each month. (If they sign up for all four age groups, they'll receive four book reviews per month.) In addition, there's a Twenty by Jenny blog which explores book-related themes--such as the importance of reading aloud--and encourages conversation.

http://www.twentybyjenny.com/

Enjoy!

Something else

As a point of clarification on the "don't tell me to have a baby" thing.

Before I forget, I wanted to say that my therapist was the one who told me that things would change when DH and I had kids--that we'd meet people that way. I might have blogged about this before, but I'm SOOOOO against my children being a crutch for my socializing! If I meet people b/c I have a baby or child, sure that's fine, but I don't want my kid being my sole way to meet people. That's not fair to anyone!

On another note, I'm doing a bit better. I did some chores--laundry, dishes, cleaned a bit, studied for my final on Wednesday, talked with DH outside and relaxed. I think I just need to keep busy. DH suggested that I do some kind of physical activity--it'd be good for body and mind. I agree.

So...what should I do!?!?

Follow up to yesterday's post...

I was coming here to write this, and then I saw I had two comments, so I will address those, too.

The reason I used puppy and baby in my post yesterday because it seems that with both, there are socializing opportunities...the dog park, puppy kindergarten, play groups, storytime at the library. From what I've seen (and this has been on Facebook, so it's not totally accurate info) even people who haven't talked to each other since HS are now meeting up and reconnecting because they both have kids. Or people who stayed in touch and live in my same town/area all had kids around the same time.

I don't know, I'm just lonely, even though I have a husband and three cats, lol. It makes me down, and then my husband thinks it's him. It's not! There's just...I don't know, only so much you can do when you don't have a lot of money to spend so you can't just "take off" on random jaunts, and you don't own a house, where something always needs to be done, lol or you can just sit outside...so a lot of the time DH and I are "relegated" to our apartment or we're out running errands because they are necessary expenses (Target, grocery store, etc) and it's something to do/somewhere to go.

I might have blogged about this before, but my workplace is not a place to make friends--there was someone who I was getting chummy with and she got fired and then wouldn't answer my emails. Another girl got laid off. There aren't a lot of females or even opportunities to get to know them better, since everyone kinda does their own thing during the workday. Where I work is a small town, so it's not like there are lots of after work hang out spots. A bunch of us have tried to do things like happy hours but everyone's got some kind of conflict and no one goes. (Or it's always scheduled when I have something I can't get out of...sigh.)

KC--I have thought about a book club, especially with my interests and future career plans! My town's library has one, but it meets at THREE PM on a weekday. Lovely. The other towns in the area don't have any! The bookstore I used to work at has them, but I feel weird going back there, I don't know why. It's not like I left on bad terms or anything. Maybe because I haven't been there really since I left? Maybe becaused I gained a lot of weight? I don't know. I just looked at their website and I can't find anything about them, so maybe they got rid of the clubs?

A+--I know what you're saying and I am afraid that when my time comes, I won't have a "network" and will be all alone in that new adventure. School has been OK, I'll talk with people before class or as we're walking out, but it's not really just gonna happen like that, you know? My summer class is online, maybe in the fall I'll see people from this semester again.

Just got a comment from Ms. M, so I'll reply to that too--I have thought about volunteering, and actually it was something my therapist recommended. I just have to get off my butt and find places to do it...

I think I just wish I hadn't isolated myself when I first came back "home" after college or had put myself out there more...hadn't lost touch with former coworkers when I left jobs. My personality is such that when I get involved with new stuff, I get overwhelmed and focus ONLY on that thing. It's weird...

DH and I were talking about this stuff last night, and he's having more luck lately meeting up with people who have common interests. Right now, he's out with someone he met through someone else, lol. He thinks it's because men have more active interests, and women usually don't. I think he might be right. DH is into fishing, hunting, sports--things you usually do with others! What am I interested in? Reading, crafty stuff, gardening--mostly things you do on your own.

The few friends I have around here, I'm not really doing anything with them when I see them, because what is there to do? Get food/coffee and/or shop. It's a vicious cycle because of the money stuff. The local friends are also all about an hour's drive away, so trying to meet up in the middle can be difficult too, because it's not just you can sit in a restaurant for hours at a time. I've thought about inviting people over, but it just feels weird to me. Like, what would we do at my house for 4 or 5 hours??? In this tiny apartment??? Maybe I'm overthinking it. I probably am.

DH also thinks I talk myself out of things or find reasons not to do stuff. He's right. I just get stressed/overwhelmed with things and then find reasons not to do them, and I'm embarrassed about how much weight I've gained, soooo, there ya go. I also think I've never really learned now to socialize/entertain, so that's why it feels awkward when I even think about doing it.

This stuff just doesn't feel organic...it feels fake and forced. But maybe that's what happens now that you're a grown up?

Thanks for reading/listening...

How does a 29 year old make new friends?

If you have the answer, please let me know. And don't tell me to get a puppy or have a baby...I want my friends to be friends because of me...not because of something I have or did.

Sometimes I hate being the way I am.

My paper is done!!!

Finally. One more class (the final exam) and then I'm out of school until my summer course starts in June.

Thank you Jesus.

I think I did well on my paper...I'm a good writer. I'm not saying this because I *think* I am, I'm saying this because I have been told I am. So I am. Ha.

Let me step off my high horse for a sec... ;-)

unemployment makes us distant

Over the past year and almost-two-months that DH has been laid off, we don't go as many places or talk to as many people anymore.

It's not really the money, since it doesn't cost much to pick up the phone or send an email.

It's the...uncomfortable feelings that come with dealing with well-intentioned family and friends.

The questions.

The things that are left unsaid.

I don't want to deal with the people--their questions, their thoughts. So I don't.

I know I have isolated myself.

Having a long-term unemployment makes me feel very isolated, personally. I don't feel like there's much I can contribute to conversations. I'm not buying a house, I'm not getting a puppy, I'm not getting married, I'm not going on vacation this summer. I don't think many people are doing all of these things, but there are very few things to look forward to right now. I'm just sad a lot of the time. 14 months is a long time to have to deal with something that you want to change, but have no control over.

Additionally, not many people understand how DH and I feel right now. That sounds silly when the unemployment rate is so high, but for the people we know, we're the "oddity." So everyone just smiles and tells us how sorry they are...but no one knows how to help. Can we be helped? Who knows. It's almost patronizing, like we're two little kids who lost their puppy.

I want to look forward to something, but that thing is not guaranteed. Why dare to hope if it might not happen?

What do we do then? I still have a job, yes, but it's hard to enjoy it or feel proud of my work when I know my husband feels so badly about his working situation. I'm working on my masters, but my husband already has his and hasn't brought him anywhere in his career.

Is it really worth it for me to keep doing what I'm doing? I wish someone had an answer for me, to make it easier for me, and for DH, too.

just took a green quiz...

...which I got from Hippy Habibi's blog.

I'm not pleased. I only scored a 25.

*scowl face* I'm such a perfectionist about some things, but I'm trying not to beat myself up too much. Some "green" things you just can't do when you don't own your residence, or have to "answer" to a home owners association.

I promise, Mother Earth! I'll do better when I own my own home, with a yard and a garden and stuff!

So...how'd you do? Take it here.

ETA: I don't know why my links aren't showing up. Click on "Hippy Habibi's blog" to vist HER blog. Click on the word "here" to get to the green quiz.

ETA2: The links show up on this computer (my home laptop). At work, where I originally created this post, the links didn't show up. Strange.

one more, real quick...

Talk about me and the Irish goodbyes (I'm 1/4 Irish, I can say that!)....

I just got an image for myself, and it's a rabbit "done" in the style of the LOLcats at http://icanhascheezburger.com/.

I love the LOLcats and I love rabbits and I love message boards. One might even say I'm rabbit-like. That image/name/whatever has followed me throughout life. (Oooh, a future post!)

So I figured this picture would be most fitting for me and my blog. Yay!

Still here

Just very very very very very very very very very very very very busy these days, what with the semester wrapping up, work starting new projects, nice weather finally here and not wanting to be on the computer as much, etc.

Hope you're all doing well!

BTW, read Little Bee by Chris Cleave. SOOOOOOOOOOOO good.

Happy Easter!

Probably won't be on tomorrow, so wishing you all a happy Easter today.

In a few hours, DH and I will be going to church for the vigil service and having our basket of food blessed. My grandmother and I always did this when I was a little girl and I really looked forward to it. I haven't done it since she passed away when I was 12. DH's church does it, even though we're different rites, and he's never done it before. So a new beginning for the both of us.

Here's an explanation of what it is:
http://www.r-fol.com/st.athanasius/EasterBasket.htm

I'm such a librarian already! Providing info for people :-)

I'll try and post pics of our basket soon.

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!

SOOOO not getting much accomplished today...

And it's only Thursday. A few things to note:

1. I gained 2 lbs in a few days. Apparently that's what happens when you eat a TON of junk in a short time period. *roll eyes* I know this because my mom gave me a digital scale that she no longer wanted. Scales can drive you nuts! Part of me is glad that I now have one, and can keep VERY close tabs on my weight loss.

2. Annotated bibliography. Completed, printed, submitted. Now to start the "meat and potatoes" of the paper.

3. I have to work tomorrow, even though most people have it off. Not such a Good Friday, ha.

4. I broke my personal code of ethics and went to Facebook at work. I'm such a punk.

5. Tonight, DH and I are going to a laundromat because we are SICK and TIRED of our crazy laundry room at the condo complex. We are going out to eat too, so bonus!

6. My hair. I know you were waiting on that. I am going strong with the BS and ACV, and have started washing every other day. My hair looks BEST when I don't blow dry it (strange, I know) and it looks pretty good on the 2nd day of no washing. So going "no poo" can/does work! I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to do this.

7. Confession time. I have the fever. Most of you ladies should know what this means ;-) And those of you having babies now are NOT helping!!! LOL At least none of you live close by...or maybe that would help cool me off. Anyway, that's not going to happen because 1) DH needs a job (yes, still...and yes, I know it's been over a year) and 2) I have strict instructions from my endocrinologist NOT to even THINK about a baby until I'm healthier. So that's that. If anything, I'm more motivated to get into better shape.

Here's a pretty flower for y'all...almost time to go home!

Short school rant

I'm writing a paper that's due at the end of the month. Topic: social networking used to market the library. Pretty good topic, especially in today's world, right? Sure.

I'm having a bear of a time because 1) I haven't written a research paper in forever, 2) there is SO much stuff out there about this topic, and I'm not sure what to weed out, and 3) I feel like a bumbling fool, just reading and making notes...and not sure if I'm even on the right track for this paper.

Blech.

I'm sure all will be fine in the end, but man, I hate not knowing if I'm doing the right thing. I hate that "free fall" between getting the assignment and getting your grade. It's all up in the air.


Okay, off to get ready for Mass...DH and I are going early to do confession today. I haven't been in a few weeks, and before then, I hadn't been since before the wedding! I used to not like confession, and actually didn't go for years...but I think when you have a priest who doesn't make you feel like a jerk, it's better.

Kinda sad

I found out yesterday that my friend's sister and brother in law are getting divorced. It just hit me oddly, and made me super sad, even though I don't know them very well.

I know people who've divorced, and I know people who've been on the brink of divorce (but worked it out)...but I guess this was more of a shock because it was so sudden. It was even sudden to my friend and her family. Totally out of the blue. They'd been married 3.5 years, and had dated for a few before that. Always seemed happy and in love.

Just makes you think, if it happened to them, it can happen to anyone.

Yup, another hair post.

Yesterday (Tuesday) things seemed pretty good in the hair department. Washed with BS and rinsed with ACV, and the hair dried fine and all was well.

Today...oh dear.

I decided to just wash with BS and NOT rinse with ACV. It's almost 10 and my hair feels like it did back when I first started and was using BOTH products daily. I don't know if this is more adjustment or if I need to really use both products every day. The hair felt clean after washing with BS this morning, so I decided not to rinse with ACV.

We'll see how I look tonight. I do have baby powder for the greasies, if need be. I also have static!!! It's very odd. LOL