consideration

I am not a perfect person. Sometimes I'm snarky, even bitchy. But I do have a good heart, somewhere deep down there, and I try to do good things.

Two things happened to me and DH today that left me shaking my head...mostly at the lack of consideration on the parts of others.

1) I HATE it when people do NOT come get their sh*t out of the washers or dryers. DH was talking to me earlier (on the phone) and when we hung up, he was like,"oh gotta go put the stuff in the dryer." Later on, he signed on IM and was like, "so the laundry? Not in the dryers yet b/c some f*cker's stuff is STILL in there...it's been over TWO HOURS." So I asked him if the stuff was still warm, he said no. I told him, "OK, I'm gonna be the laundry room nazi now...they didn't get their stuff and it's cooled off, so it's been LONG enough. Take it out, put it on top of the dryer or on that little table." SERIOUSLY! Don't do laundry if you don't have time/can't remember to come get it or switch it around. Other people have to do their laundry too. There are 4 of each machine in the laundry room and all 4 dryers were full of someone's sh*t. Four years of college and I never dealt with such a horrible laundry situation as this, adults, living in condos. GRRR. 2) Late invitations. Today is Wednesday. We just got an invite, TODAY, in the MAIL, for a party on Saturday night. Not a "hey come over for some beer and pizza" party...someone's after the wedding, wedding reception. At a country club. WTF???? Could you give us some notice? DH needs to get his hair cut, he doesn't really have anything to wear (neither do I but I'll throw something together), we have to get a gift. ARGH!!!! This is DH's lawyer, who helped out IMMENSELY with his lawsuit. If it weren't for that, and for the fact that his and his now-wife came to our wedding, we would SOOOO not be going. Please, people, be considerate!!!!!

the past should stay the past

SERIOUSLY. Why do "bad" memories have their way of coming out at times? I put bad in quotes because there are worse things out there that have happened to people, so this is pretty minor if you think about it.

Last night, I started talking with DH about college, freshman year especially, and how crappy it was. I don't even know how it came out, really. I forgot what we were talking about when we came upon this subject. I'm sure a LOT of people have similar stories about making friends, losing them, being lonely on a Friday/Saturday/Tuesday/whatever night while your roommate/s go out and stay out wicked late, trying to find your way amidst different groups of people where you don't really fit in, whatever the case may be.

But it made me feel SO horrible, talking about it. And here it is, over 12 hours later and I still feel crappy. That was OVER 10 years ago, I can't go back, I can't change who my roommates were. I can't change that I was shy and didn't know that you were supposed to go around and introduce yourself (yeah, I thought people would come to ME). I didn't know that the "uniform" was cute clothes from American Eagle or A&F.

And, in the end, things DID get better. This is most important to remember! Eventually, I did meet people, some with whom I am still REALLY tight today. Sure, we lost some of our group along the way to graduation, but that happened over truly dumb stuff (hello, housing lottery! Or, someone got a boyfriend) and what matters is, by the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I didn't want to go home for a month. Out of fear I'd lose those friends I'd just made.

I guess I just remembered that pain of feeling like you didn't matter to anyone and you'd never feel at home...and I REALLY felt it this time. Like I was suddenly back in my dorm room, on a Friday night, listening to music, exploring this thing called the internet (haha!), while one roommate escaped to the peace of home and the other was out boozing it up. (I have to laugh now because the two of them did not return sophomore year.)

I still think that old things like this should stay buried, because the memories can catch you off-guard and you are suddenly sad but can't really explain why. Maybe some of the tears or feelings are out of gratitude for those who you did meet and had fun times with...and for yourself, that you got through it and you survived.