My net pay for 2008 was just slightly over $22K. I still have one paycheck to go, so mayyyybe that'll bump me to $23K?
I feel so disgusted by that number. So...I don't know...defeated? Like all of my hard work and dedication is really just a joke? Where does $37K turn into $22K?
We do pay a lot for health insurance, and then there are the taxes that come out...and a small contribution to my (NON-MATCHED) 401k. But wow, combine that with the checks that DH gets from his settlement...that's 2 people, living in a fairly high COLA, on about $42K.
No wonder I feel like crap...and people think I'm being silly, or overreacting about money. Or I get "money's tight for everyone." That might be true, but most people can cut back...or they chose to buy a house, go on vacation, spend on credit cards.
We're doing the "right" thing...and not getting ahead.
I really hope 2009 is a better year for this household. We need it. Most people fear odd years (some superstition, I guess), but for me and DH, odd years have been good ones.
2003--we met
2004--DH's mom dies suddenly, DH almost dies in his accident
2005--DH is all better, I change jobs and am SUPREMELY happy
2006--we get engaged (OK, that's a good thing, lol), I take a new job and am miserable.
2007--we get married!!! go to Hawaii!!! I get promoted.
2008--DH gets laid off...
Here are my wishes for 2009:
1) DH to find a job. Something that isn't back-breaking or spirit-crushing. But something. Because he's getting scared that he's not going to find anything. It's been 10 months now, lots of interviews over the summer, but none in awhile. LOTS of applications put out.
2) Me to get healthier. I know, everyone makes some kind of resolution like this, but I really need to. Not a joke.
3) Me to find some happiness and peace in my current situation instead of trying to get out. If that means taking a class, so be it. If it means I give up TV once a week to go out to a group/club meeting, so be it.
That's all. Very simple wishes, but who knows how hard they'll be to achieve?
Happy New Year, everyone.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
I think I am one of the working poor.
And it sucks. I really think the middle class is now the working poor. Or something. I might be over-dramatizing this, but sheesh.
I make an "OK" salary I guess (a little over $37K), but I wish I was paid more. I know, we all wish that. I dunno, I just feel like I worked hard throughout my life and went to a great school and all of that. Maybe this is a little bit of the entitlement monster sneaking out? When I started at my current job 2 years ago, I started out at $28K, so I guess increasing my salary by 9K in 2 yrs is pretty good? I don't know much about these things--salaries, getting paid what you should be getting, etc.
What bothers me mostly is after health insurance comes out, and taxes, and the bills are paid, there is very little for savings or fun/leisure. So I spend my free time doing things like cleaning and laundry and all of that...and then I stress because I never have any time for exploring my hobbies or interests. Or hell, even just sitting at the kitchen table staring into space.
Wait, I'm writing this blog entry, so it's not like I live a life of complete drudgery, lol.
And we have no debt, or crazy bills to pay--this is important to remember. But still, I just feel that things that could make my life easier are not possible. That we'll never be ahead, and I'll just go from work to chores at home and back to work.
Our bills are pretty straightforward, too:
I have thought about going back to school...because a lot of times you have to go back to school to earn more money...but I'm not sure what I'd go back for, nor am I sure that it would equal more money. Unless I changed fields 100% and you never know if you'll have to start out at a super low salary. I don't want to go backwards!!!!
In a perfect world, I'd love to have a cleaning person and a laundry person...then I could spend my free time doing FUN things! There is no perfect world though.
I think I'd feel better if this apartment were a bit bigger or if we didn't have so much stuff and few places to put it all...maybe I'd feel a bit more proactive about taking care of our space, or that it wouldn't look so packed. I'm actually embarrassed to have people over, because we have things everywhere...there's no place to put them all. Wedding gifts in the kitchen still, fishing rods in the half bath so the cats won't get to them, snow shovels by the door....argh!
I make an "OK" salary I guess (a little over $37K), but I wish I was paid more. I know, we all wish that. I dunno, I just feel like I worked hard throughout my life and went to a great school and all of that. Maybe this is a little bit of the entitlement monster sneaking out? When I started at my current job 2 years ago, I started out at $28K, so I guess increasing my salary by 9K in 2 yrs is pretty good? I don't know much about these things--salaries, getting paid what you should be getting, etc.
What bothers me mostly is after health insurance comes out, and taxes, and the bills are paid, there is very little for savings or fun/leisure. So I spend my free time doing things like cleaning and laundry and all of that...and then I stress because I never have any time for exploring my hobbies or interests. Or hell, even just sitting at the kitchen table staring into space.
Wait, I'm writing this blog entry, so it's not like I live a life of complete drudgery, lol.
And we have no debt, or crazy bills to pay--this is important to remember. But still, I just feel that things that could make my life easier are not possible. That we'll never be ahead, and I'll just go from work to chores at home and back to work.
Our bills are pretty straightforward, too:
- rent
- phone/cell/internet
- electric (which includes heat)
- cable (we have a pretty cheap plan, too...not the cheapest, though, ha)
- gym memberships
- food
- gas
- the random things needed at Target, Walmart, CVS
- copays for dr's visits and RX's
- and then the bills that come every so often, like car taxes or car insurance
I have thought about going back to school...because a lot of times you have to go back to school to earn more money...but I'm not sure what I'd go back for, nor am I sure that it would equal more money. Unless I changed fields 100% and you never know if you'll have to start out at a super low salary. I don't want to go backwards!!!!
In a perfect world, I'd love to have a cleaning person and a laundry person...then I could spend my free time doing FUN things! There is no perfect world though.
I think I'd feel better if this apartment were a bit bigger or if we didn't have so much stuff and few places to put it all...maybe I'd feel a bit more proactive about taking care of our space, or that it wouldn't look so packed. I'm actually embarrassed to have people over, because we have things everywhere...there's no place to put them all. Wedding gifts in the kitchen still, fishing rods in the half bath so the cats won't get to them, snow shovels by the door....argh!
Merry Christmas, a day late
Some interesting things happened over the past few days to my family, and since this blog is mostly anonymous, I'll post them here:
1) My aunt's car was broken into on Tuesday and the presents she had for her little nieces and nephews were stolen. WTF? SO NOT THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!!! Thankfully she was not hurt and the car wasn't too damaged (just the passenger window was broken) so all will be OK. She will probably get reimbursed by the insurance company for the stolen items, but her coworkers took up a collection and gave her money so she could replace the stolen gifts. My cousins were so good about it too, telling her that it wasn't about the presents. They are getting so grown up!
2) After Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, DH's grandmother decides to have a confessional and lets out a huge family secret to just DH and I. (other people know this, they just weren't there) She told us that when she was 16, still living in the "Old Country", she was raped by a Russian soldier (occupying her country) and got pregnant with DH's mom. DH and I had guessed that something like this had happened--the age difference between his mom and grandma, how they had the same maiden names, etc. But we never knew for sure--actually we'd thought that maybe his grandmother had gotten herself into "trouble" at a young age and didn't get married. Who would have thought? This certainly puts a different spin on things. Poor DH's grandmother, especially back then when there wasn't help for these things.
Otherwise, Christmas was pretty good...our families were very generous this year with money and gifts. I got a little stressed out on Christmas day, but I need to learn to chill the eff out. I had a hilarious time at my parents' house with my two cousins from my dad's side (it's just the 4 of us for grandchildren on that side) who are in their early 20s, listening to the hijinx that they encounter in life.
1) My aunt's car was broken into on Tuesday and the presents she had for her little nieces and nephews were stolen. WTF? SO NOT THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!!! Thankfully she was not hurt and the car wasn't too damaged (just the passenger window was broken) so all will be OK. She will probably get reimbursed by the insurance company for the stolen items, but her coworkers took up a collection and gave her money so she could replace the stolen gifts. My cousins were so good about it too, telling her that it wasn't about the presents. They are getting so grown up!
2) After Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, DH's grandmother decides to have a confessional and lets out a huge family secret to just DH and I. (other people know this, they just weren't there) She told us that when she was 16, still living in the "Old Country", she was raped by a Russian soldier (occupying her country) and got pregnant with DH's mom. DH and I had guessed that something like this had happened--the age difference between his mom and grandma, how they had the same maiden names, etc. But we never knew for sure--actually we'd thought that maybe his grandmother had gotten herself into "trouble" at a young age and didn't get married. Who would have thought? This certainly puts a different spin on things. Poor DH's grandmother, especially back then when there wasn't help for these things.
Otherwise, Christmas was pretty good...our families were very generous this year with money and gifts. I got a little stressed out on Christmas day, but I need to learn to chill the eff out. I had a hilarious time at my parents' house with my two cousins from my dad's side (it's just the 4 of us for grandchildren on that side) who are in their early 20s, listening to the hijinx that they encounter in life.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I don't know what to call this post...
but it has to do with my family and my husband and how they get along...
I'm very upset...and I've been crying, my stomach's been in knots, feeling depressed about it, etc. Right now, I'm OK, but jeez, I hate conflict.
Thankfully it's not my parents. It has to do with two of my uncles (one on either side of the family) and my brother...and comments that they've said to my husband.
Now, DH has been through a lot in the past 5 years or so...and had dealt with some crap even when he was younger. We all do...and it makes its impact on us, and defines how our lives turn out. He might be a bit more sensitive to certain things...or comments that people might say. We all have our "buttons" that bother us when pushed.
So anyway, my two uncles have made comments about DH still not working...and yes, it bothers him. Both the comments and the fact that it's 9 months with no job offers. [Applications and interviews, but no offers. It's not like he's sitting around, enjoying this "vacation."] My Uncle D asked his question innocently and DH let him know how it made him feel, and I think that he felt badly...but my other uncle, Uncle J? He's like a freaking dog with a bone. He just keeps pushing and pushing...and it's soooooo rude and annoying. GRAAAAA I just want to scream! DH has tried to avoid Uncle J at family gatherings, and tried to keep any convos short and to the point. But my uncle won't give up. Why doesn't he understand that DH is in criminal justice, not law enforcement? And that he CAN'T be a cop b/c of his injuries?? And that he IS looking for ANYTHING that's available??? GRRRRR. Thankfully we don't see him too often, he lives way on the other side of the state (almost 2 hrs away). I don't know why people can't just let things rest.
My Aunt N (sister of Uncle J and my mom) put it this way: Uncle J and his wife, Aunt D, are pretty ignorant about things and haven't had much worldly experience. All they care about is work, and making money and buying things to show off with that money. Whereas people like DH and I get that there's more in life than working and material crap. And we also "get" that some subjects are really sensitive to people...and not to discuss them, or you wait until the people bring them up. For instance, I would never ask a young couple "So where's the babies???" To people like Uncle J and Aunt D, it's just making conversation, and it's also all they know. When I was single, Aunt D would always ask if I had a boyfriend, was I dating, etc. Now that we're married, she asks about when we're buying a house and having kids. It's like, all she knows is a "Platonic Form" of life--work, houses, marriage, babies...
Last night, my brother came over to have dinner and watch The Dark Knight. Everything was GREAT (and we even told my brother how DH loves him like a brother, sometimes more than DH's OWN brother)...until later on when were were talking about jobs and careers. My brother might be going for his CDL (the license you need to drive big rigs) and DH commented sort of off the cuff "Oh maybe I'll do that too..." My brother made a comment about DH's stomach not fitting behind the wheel and that just set off the evening...my brother did say that he too has trouble behind the wheel...but it was just downhill from there. My brother soon left and DH was upset...so I ran out after my brother to talk to him about what happened and how DH was feeling like crap.
Yes, DH has a big stomach, but it's not fat...it's scar tissue from the accident. And hello, my brother is over 300lbs!!! My brother didn't understand why it made him feel badly...in my brother's own, innocent little mind, he thought he was doing DH a "favor." [My brother is quite sheltered, at 27 he has yet to do much with his life...he's also behind, socially and has learning disabilities.] So I was crying, my brother was crying, I'm trying to explain WHY you cannot say things to people about their size/weight...EVER!
I go back inside, DH is still upset, doesn't want to go to Christmas with my family, is tired of my family giving him grief, etc. I'm upset because DH has had a lot of crap happen to him in life, my family needs to STFU and learn some sensitivity, and again, I hate conflict and just want EVERYONE to get along and just behave.
Is that so much to ask??????
I'm very upset...and I've been crying, my stomach's been in knots, feeling depressed about it, etc. Right now, I'm OK, but jeez, I hate conflict.
Thankfully it's not my parents. It has to do with two of my uncles (one on either side of the family) and my brother...and comments that they've said to my husband.
Now, DH has been through a lot in the past 5 years or so...and had dealt with some crap even when he was younger. We all do...and it makes its impact on us, and defines how our lives turn out. He might be a bit more sensitive to certain things...or comments that people might say. We all have our "buttons" that bother us when pushed.
So anyway, my two uncles have made comments about DH still not working...and yes, it bothers him. Both the comments and the fact that it's 9 months with no job offers. [Applications and interviews, but no offers. It's not like he's sitting around, enjoying this "vacation."] My Uncle D asked his question innocently and DH let him know how it made him feel, and I think that he felt badly...but my other uncle, Uncle J? He's like a freaking dog with a bone. He just keeps pushing and pushing...and it's soooooo rude and annoying. GRAAAAA I just want to scream! DH has tried to avoid Uncle J at family gatherings, and tried to keep any convos short and to the point. But my uncle won't give up. Why doesn't he understand that DH is in criminal justice, not law enforcement? And that he CAN'T be a cop b/c of his injuries?? And that he IS looking for ANYTHING that's available??? GRRRRR. Thankfully we don't see him too often, he lives way on the other side of the state (almost 2 hrs away). I don't know why people can't just let things rest.
My Aunt N (sister of Uncle J and my mom) put it this way: Uncle J and his wife, Aunt D, are pretty ignorant about things and haven't had much worldly experience. All they care about is work, and making money and buying things to show off with that money. Whereas people like DH and I get that there's more in life than working and material crap. And we also "get" that some subjects are really sensitive to people...and not to discuss them, or you wait until the people bring them up. For instance, I would never ask a young couple "So where's the babies???" To people like Uncle J and Aunt D, it's just making conversation, and it's also all they know. When I was single, Aunt D would always ask if I had a boyfriend, was I dating, etc. Now that we're married, she asks about when we're buying a house and having kids. It's like, all she knows is a "Platonic Form" of life--work, houses, marriage, babies...
Last night, my brother came over to have dinner and watch The Dark Knight. Everything was GREAT (and we even told my brother how DH loves him like a brother, sometimes more than DH's OWN brother)...until later on when were were talking about jobs and careers. My brother might be going for his CDL (the license you need to drive big rigs) and DH commented sort of off the cuff "Oh maybe I'll do that too..." My brother made a comment about DH's stomach not fitting behind the wheel and that just set off the evening...my brother did say that he too has trouble behind the wheel...but it was just downhill from there. My brother soon left and DH was upset...so I ran out after my brother to talk to him about what happened and how DH was feeling like crap.
Yes, DH has a big stomach, but it's not fat...it's scar tissue from the accident. And hello, my brother is over 300lbs!!! My brother didn't understand why it made him feel badly...in my brother's own, innocent little mind, he thought he was doing DH a "favor." [My brother is quite sheltered, at 27 he has yet to do much with his life...he's also behind, socially and has learning disabilities.] So I was crying, my brother was crying, I'm trying to explain WHY you cannot say things to people about their size/weight...EVER!
I go back inside, DH is still upset, doesn't want to go to Christmas with my family, is tired of my family giving him grief, etc. I'm upset because DH has had a lot of crap happen to him in life, my family needs to STFU and learn some sensitivity, and again, I hate conflict and just want EVERYONE to get along and just behave.
Is that so much to ask??????
Monday, December 1, 2008
What I'm thankful for...
Yes, it's after Thanksgiving. I was busy last week! LOL
1. DH. (and the fact that he's a great cook...if I were laid off, God only knows what we'd be eating, lol)
2. our kitties--those three little furballs make our days and bring lots of fun into our lives!
3. a roof over our heads
4. NO DEBT WHATSOEVER. Besides the monthly bills like rent and utilities. We don't owe anyone anything.
5. two cars that run very well.
6. my job--I may bitch about it, but it's a steady paycheck, gives us benefits, and hey, it's somewhere to go every day, lol.
7. enough food to eat
8. clothes and shoes to wear
9. family that loves us and supports us
10. good health...most days.
1. DH. (and the fact that he's a great cook...if I were laid off, God only knows what we'd be eating, lol)
2. our kitties--those three little furballs make our days and bring lots of fun into our lives!
3. a roof over our heads
4. NO DEBT WHATSOEVER. Besides the monthly bills like rent and utilities. We don't owe anyone anything.
5. two cars that run very well.
6. my job--I may bitch about it, but it's a steady paycheck, gives us benefits, and hey, it's somewhere to go every day, lol.
7. enough food to eat
8. clothes and shoes to wear
9. family that loves us and supports us
10. good health...most days.
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