I don't know what to call this post...

but it has to do with my family and my husband and how they get along...

I'm very upset...and I've been crying, my stomach's been in knots, feeling depressed about it, etc. Right now, I'm OK, but jeez, I hate conflict.

Thankfully it's not my parents. It has to do with two of my uncles (one on either side of the family) and my brother...and comments that they've said to my husband.

Now, DH has been through a lot in the past 5 years or so...and had dealt with some crap even when he was younger. We all do...and it makes its impact on us, and defines how our lives turn out. He might be a bit more sensitive to certain things...or comments that people might say. We all have our "buttons" that bother us when pushed.

So anyway, my two uncles have made comments about DH still not working...and yes, it bothers him. Both the comments and the fact that it's 9 months with no job offers. [Applications and interviews, but no offers. It's not like he's sitting around, enjoying this "vacation."] My Uncle D asked his question innocently and DH let him know how it made him feel, and I think that he felt badly...but my other uncle, Uncle J? He's like a freaking dog with a bone. He just keeps pushing and pushing...and it's soooooo rude and annoying. GRAAAAA I just want to scream! DH has tried to avoid Uncle J at family gatherings, and tried to keep any convos short and to the point. But my uncle won't give up. Why doesn't he understand that DH is in criminal justice, not law enforcement? And that he CAN'T be a cop b/c of his injuries?? And that he IS looking for ANYTHING that's available??? GRRRRR. Thankfully we don't see him too often, he lives way on the other side of the state (almost 2 hrs away). I don't know why people can't just let things rest.

My Aunt N (sister of Uncle J and my mom) put it this way: Uncle J and his wife, Aunt D, are pretty ignorant about things and haven't had much worldly experience. All they care about is work, and making money and buying things to show off with that money. Whereas people like DH and I get that there's more in life than working and material crap. And we also "get" that some subjects are really sensitive to people...and not to discuss them, or you wait until the people bring them up. For instance, I would never ask a young couple "So where's the babies???" To people like Uncle J and Aunt D, it's just making conversation, and it's also all they know. When I was single, Aunt D would always ask if I had a boyfriend, was I dating, etc. Now that we're married, she asks about when we're buying a house and having kids. It's like, all she knows is a "Platonic Form" of life--work, houses, marriage, babies...

Last night, my brother came over to have dinner and watch The Dark Knight. Everything was GREAT (and we even told my brother how DH loves him like a brother, sometimes more than DH's OWN brother)...until later on when were were talking about jobs and careers. My brother might be going for his CDL (the license you need to drive big rigs) and DH commented sort of off the cuff "Oh maybe I'll do that too..." My brother made a comment about DH's stomach not fitting behind the wheel and that just set off the evening...my brother did say that he too has trouble behind the wheel...but it was just downhill from there. My brother soon left and DH was upset...so I ran out after my brother to talk to him about what happened and how DH was feeling like crap.

Yes, DH has a big stomach, but it's not fat...it's scar tissue from the accident. And hello, my brother is over 300lbs!!! My brother didn't understand why it made him feel badly...in my brother's own, innocent little mind, he thought he was doing DH a "favor." [My brother is quite sheltered, at 27 he has yet to do much with his life...he's also behind, socially and has learning disabilities.] So I was crying, my brother was crying, I'm trying to explain WHY you cannot say things to people about their size/weight...EVER!

I go back inside, DH is still upset, doesn't want to go to Christmas with my family, is tired of my family giving him grief, etc. I'm upset because DH has had a lot of crap happen to him in life, my family needs to STFU and learn some sensitivity, and again, I hate conflict and just want EVERYONE to get along and just behave.

Is that so much to ask??????