Kids

I used to think that maybe I didn't want children of my own. Most recently after getting married. I don't know why, really, I guess I just was satisfied in my own life. And, I hadn't been around any children for me to interact with them...I don't have any little ones nearby.

Yesterday I spent the day with my college roomie and her two kids. They were lots of fun and I really did enjoy myself. Obviously it's not fun and games everyday but I could see myself doing this, 24-7. Just not for a few more years, until we're both working in jobs that are steady.

Relating to that, DH has an interview in a week and a half with the state!!! Whoo hoo! He's in the running for a federal job and this is his first state call-back. We are excited! It is in the eastern part of the state, which means we would probably move if he accepted an offer, but there are a lot of nice places between the town where this job is and the town where my job is. Fingers crossed!

A bit better

Whatever funk I was in has seemed to pass. I started cleaning off the deck, in anticipation of planting things in my pots. I emptied all of the leaves out of the pots and flipped them over to drain and dry out. Pretty soon, I can get some kind of flowers or something to put in them, and I have the potting soil I need. I also need to figure out how to separate my aloe plant. It's HUGE! I need to put the babies in smaller pots.

Today, I'm off to RI to see my roomie from college (B) and her kids! I is almost 3 now and A is 6.5 months (I think?). I should know this since he was born the day before my wedding, lol. I bet they are huge! I haven't seen them since late October, at A's baptism. It's going to be gorgeous out so we might go to our old college and walk around. Ha!

Have a great day!

Feeling very boring today

Or maybe it is just a case of PMS? I dunno. I just feel blah.

I have a new car, but I don't go anywhere, except to work, the gym, and stores.

I have a lot of nice kitchenwares and decorating stuff, but no place to put them and no time to use a lot of them. No friends to invite over to entertain with.

I just feel like I might have outgrown some people, or they have outgrown me. Or we're changing or something. The single ones have money to spend and places to go and things to do. When I was single, I didn't have much money, and when I did, I had no one to go places with. The marrieds live too far away and have kids.

I'm married, don't really have the money (or vacation time!) to go places and do things all that often, not too many people are in our boat...I used to love projects, but there aren't really any that you can do when you rent. When I lived at home, I helped my mom do things around the house. Even after I moved out, I helped her repaint all of the kitchen cabinets. That was fun! I can't start my garden stuff yet--too cold.

Oooops, I had to go earlier unexpectedly and I posted this without finishing. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like I'm 15 again, too old for camp/playing, but too young to drive and work.

I know there are some people who are probably envious of my free time, but it's not that great right now. There's not even good TV on, and I wasn't ever really a TV person! This is making me mad and sad. Ugh.

Someone needs a nap

And it's not a cranky 2 year old. It's a cranky 28 year old. I need more than a nap, I need to go to bed.

I cram too much into my Sundays. I do this every weekend, trying to make things look as perfect as possible before the long week ahead.

I have an outfit picked out for tomorrow, and I made my lunch.

Why do I spend the entire day doing things like cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms while DH and my brother play Wii? That pisses me off--that I don't allow myself to have fun. True, the upstairs bathroom and office needed to be dusted/vacuumed because of the construction on Friday. But it didn't need to take as long as it did. Why do I go over the top and then hate myself for it?

It worked!

So my efforts are starting to pay off. I weighed myself at the gym today after my workout and I've lost 2.5 lbs this week! Eating quasi-low carb and working out 4x this week helped. I feel really proud of my accomplishments and that I've been able to avoid temptation! Now I just need to keep it up and wait for more weight to melt off....

Saturday

I love and hate Saturdays. It seems like I should relax and enjoy my day off, but at the same time, I often feel like I should race around and get as much stuff done as possible, because it's my day off.

I hate that divisiveness!

There is something I have to do today--dusting and vacuuming of the upstairs. The geniuses DH and I are, we left the windows open the other day, and the condo peeps decided to take off the shingles on our roof and replace them. Well. Guess who's office and bathroom are now sprinkled with a brownish-red dust? Thank GOD they didn't do the other side of our unit, where our bedroom is. I could NOT imagine sleeping in a dirty, yucky room like that. I wish I could get myself together enough to take pics of it and load 'em here, just to show you how gross it is. The cats even sniffed it and ran!

It's almost 1pm, and I'll I've done since about 9:30 is write a check for DH's dr's appt, cleaned all the old food out of the fridge, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, cleaned out the microwave, cleaned the counters and stove top, cleaned out the "junk" drawer in the kitchen...and I still have to get to the gym. Ugh. My goal was to get there 4x this week, and I did get there Monday, Tuesday, Friday...so that means I gotta go today or I don't meet my goal.

Here's a cleaning out the microwave tip for y'all. I read this on the back of the bottle of ReaLemon (the lemon juice stuff). You take a 1/2 cup of the stuff and put it in a microwave-safe dish/bowl/whatever. Put it in the microwave for 3-5 mins, and voila! The steam from the lemon juice helps get all the gunk off of the microwave. You just wipe it clean! And the juice does reduce about halfway AND it gets all brownish. So you know it did something, haha. Plus, the lemon juice is a much safer alternative than chemical products.

Cracked me up!!!!

http://www.mikeduncan.com/unsubscribe-me/

LMAO. Srsly.

Plus-sized clothing thoughts...

I was just inspired to blog about this, and it's 7 am and I need to go get ready for work. Bummer dude. Work, always getting in the way of life. lol

Stay tuned! I'll be back later to finish this!

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Almost 11:30 and I'm back.

OK, wtf is up with some clothing out there these days for the bigger ladies?

First--baby-doll or empire waist shirts and dresses. NOT FLATTERING. Esp. if you carry some extra weight around your middle. No one wants to be mistaken for pregnant.

Second--short shorts. I don't care how much self-esteem you have, or how comfy you are in your body, it's just not right.

Third--horizontal stripes. WHY? Why on earth would any one WANT to look wider than they are?

This is all I've got for now, but I'm sure I'll have some more later.

I'm having a hard time...

keeping up with this thing! It's not that I don't want to write, or don't care to write, it's just, graaaah, how do you find enough hours in the day to do everything!?

Work is still going super well. Had lunch w/ Bossman yesterday to celebrate my raise. It feels SO good to have your work and what you do NOT go unnoticed. A year ago, things here were sooooooo different, as some of you may recall. I got out of Siberia and now there is talk of me moving on even farther upward. Fabulous!

DH has a meeting about a job tomorrow. He applied the "old fashioned" way, with a cover letter, resume and then he had to include this written statement thing about why he wants to work in the field that the job falls under. OK, fine. I proofed it for him, it was really good. He got a letter in the mail last week about a meeting to do a problem-solving test (very important in his field) and to write another statement. This is progress! He's not 100% thrilled with this job (it's for the federal gov't, he'd rather work for the state gov't) but it's SOMETHING. He's got about 20 applications out there right now, for mostly state jobs, but some federal ones too.

I've been writing down everything that I've been eating, and so far, so good. Haven't seen any weight loss yet, but the fact that I'm writing is good because I'm managing to stay in control of what I put in my mouth. Been limiting the sugar and starches that enter my mouth as well.

That's my biggest downfall and what also helps the weight come off easiest, for me. I know some people are really anti-low-carb diets, but for me, carbs are my trigger (what gets me to overeat) and when I eliminate them almost completely, I manage to lose a lot of weight. With my PCOS and blood sugar issues, it's a healthy way for ME to treat MY body. It's NOT for everyone. And don't worry, I'm not subsisting on steak and eggs. I eat PLENTY of veggies and dairy and some fruit.

This blog is starting to get into a same old, same old pattern, so I'd better think of some interesting topics to come up with...and SOON!

You are what you eat.

DH and I talked about my weight stuff and my food...he pointed out that I do have a tendency to snack, especially at night. The "indulgences" at work do not help, either.

I have started writing down everything that goes into my mouth, just to have a record so that when the scale goes up, I don't think "what happened???" The proof will be right there.

For now, I'm planning on being "good" for breakfast, lunch and snacks, and then for dinner I can have what I want. "Good" means low carb, high protein, lots of veggies and dairy...the way I'm "supposed" to eat. If that doesn't help me lose anything, then I'll re-evaluate the dinner options. Of course, I'll be stepping it up more at the gym, too.

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In other news, DH is feeling a bit better. He realized he has cabin fever and just needs to get out of the house more. He went to his dad's yesterday for a few hours and they worked on their fishing gear and attempted to go fishing. Too many OTHER fishermen made their favorite spot pretty crowded, so they gave up, but DH said it was still good to just get out. Now that the weather is getting REALLY nice, I think there will be more opportunities. Yay!

Tonight, we're actually going out and SOCIALIZING. No joke. My friend from high school, K and her husband, invited us over to play games. DH finds her husband boring, but he's actually willing to go, lol.

I picked up another plant book at the library yesterday. I really need to buckle down and read them/take notes this weekend.

I think work might get even more busy for me. A coworker got brought into the office of Mr. Owner with Bossman and HR. She's in quasi-big trouble, but part of me feels that she did some of it to herself. She opened her mouth, now she has to deal with the consequences of speaking out. I think they might be taking some of her work and giving it to me/my department. I need an assistant.

But on a cooler note, I get to go to a beach-side resort two states away for a trade show next month! Very exciting!

So...WTF?

WTF. Grrr, I need to get to the gym more. I went to the doctor today, for just a normal endocrinologist check up. Weight is up again. 5 lbs since my last appointment in January.

I say it again. W T F ????

I've always been a bigger person, even when I was a little kid. No matter what I ate, what exercises I did, I was always chubby, fat, bigger, etc. There's never been a time where I was successful with long term weight loss.

What I don't get is why I still continue to gain weight, even when I'm really not eating THAT much differently than usual. I don't know...maybe it's my age? They do say things slow down the older you get. Ugh, how irritating. I also have PCOS which makes it harder for my body to shed weight, but there are women out there who've managed to lose weight while battling PCOS. I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe I really AM eating differently and just didn't think so? I dunno. There are some days where I "overindulge" and that's probably where the weight gain is coming from.

My doctor is worried, I'm worried. Everyone is worried. Part of it is mental/psychological, and part of it is just "me." I just wish it was like a switch, and I could shut it off and lose the weight permanently.

I am going to end this update now because it just gets me upset.

Hey kids...

I'm back! Did you miss me? Wow, what a week and (almost) a half. Work has been NUTS!!!!! So much going on, so much work, so few people to do it. I busted my butt and got so much accomplished. It felt really good...and then came the awesome part...

Yesterday, Bossman called me into his office, and there sitting at his table, were Mr. and Mrs. Owner. I wasn't scared, I knew I hadn't done anything wrong (if there was, we'd be in the conference room or Mr. Owner's office). They started out talking to me about how well I've been doing, how much I've taken on, how they can always depend on me, etc etc. THEN they told me that they wanted to bump me up, and were giving me a raise/review now! It factors out to 9%! Very exciting. They also said that I'd still get another raise/review in October, when the usual annual ones occur. What a way to start out the week!

Here's a little update on some goals of mine:

I have been dressing more and more professionally lately and that makes me feel like I'm more of a grown-up. Sure, I could wear jeans and a college T shirt and a hoodie if I wanted to, but in all reality, I feel pretty sloppy and I think it shows in my work. And now that I got a raise and am obviously on the right track, only more incentive to keep it up.

I got a book from the library about container gardens and have been researching. Very interesting stuff...now I just have to get my supplies.

I got to the gym a whopping NINE times in March, but not too bad for it being my first month in a long time. My goal for April is to get there 15 times.

I just feel all around better. Early in the month, my anxiety flared up BIG TIME and it wasn't fun. I got a slight adjustment in my meds, which hopefully will help, and so will me getting to the gym.

Poor DH is still without a job and without any interviews. For now, the plan is to let him do as he pleases until September, which is just applying for state and federal jobs and seeing what happens with them, then he has to really change things up with the search. I'm OK with it, I wasn't at first, but it'll work out. We have the settlement money to supplement my income. But, I'm worried about DH in general. He was really down when I came home today and didn't do much in the way of chores. He said that he had trouble sleeping last night and got out of bed around 2 and stayed up for a bit, then slept til 10AM. This isn't good. He's sleeping now and it's 8:20--he's been in bed for almost 2 hours. I think he's bored, which often leads to people thinking about things that have been in the recesses of their mind. He talked about his mom a little bit tonight, and about his dad being so weird now that she's gone. I don't know what to say or do. He is also lonely, he doesn't have any friends. I tried to tell him that even if he did have friends, they would be at work all day while he was taking time off. I think he needs a purpose. Something to do, to work on, while he's home.

All right, I'm really tired and don't have much more to say...so for now, I'm gone.

Oh! I got a comment from someone I don't know! People DO read this thing! haha