Where I've been in the world...

Okay, this one isn't so great, but I'm only 28! Oh, and I didn't count the 3 layovers in Germany...lol.

You can get it here: http://www.travelblog.org/VC/visited-countries.html

My Visited Countries

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Where I've been in this country... (stolen from illini_girl!)

Click on the graphic to see my map! You too can have one from: http://www.travelblog.org/VC/visited-us-states.html

It's not very impressive, but I am only 28...and I've been to Hawaii, which a lot of people HAVEN'T been to. I didn't count the states I've driven through (NJ and DE) or had layovers in (GA and MI).

My Visited US States

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IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUT!

And here I am blogging, lol. Have no fear, just taking a rest for a sec.

Got up at 7:15, DH and I were at the grocery store by 8:30--after a run to Dunkin Donuts. ;-)

Ran into my MOM at the store, which is not a surprise, we live in the same town. It was just so funny to see her there, and she was shocked that we were up and out so early, lol. She invited us over on Monday for some food :-) Yay.

As an aside--One thing that bugged me though, about seeing my mom, she was like, "so what are your plans this weekend?" I was like, "what do you mean?" She actually thought that maybe we'd have been invited some where. YEAH RIGHT. Hello, woman, you know we have no friends. Maybe I'm not giving her any credit--I guess there could be a chance I might have been invited to a coworker's house or something. It's just kind of annoying when people assume that you have a happening social life because you are young newlyweds. My boss asked me if I had big plans too, and when I said no, he actually said that was a good thing! That's right! I work too damn hard and want to relaaaaax. It feels like we are new to town, and that's how we live, pretty much. It is HARD to meet people if you don't already know people!

We were out of the store before 9:30, then to the library to drop off a book, then to CVS to pick up an RX, then HOME by 10:15. WOOT.

Felt SO good to get up early and just GO GO GO. Makes you feel like the weekend lasts longer. And it's a 3 day weekend, so even better.

Here it is, just after 12:30, and the groceries are away, cleaned out the fridge, the living room and kitchen are picked up, and I've washed 4 loads of laundry. Time to go get them out of the dryers. That's the one good thing about using a laundry room--if no one's there, I can do ALLLL the laundry in one shot. Heh.

But man, the food costs? All we bought was: produce, meat, chicken, dairy stuff, and a few grocery items (peanuts, peanut butter, chicken broth, salad dressing mix). $129!!!!! Well, the $26 of FLOWERS that my husband wanted me to have didn't help, lol. And neither did the steaks--even though they were on sale. But our receipt said we saved $50, soooo, I guess I won't complain too much. And we did have some coupons and about $9 in bottle/can redemption tickets.

To update y'all on my post from last night about husbands, DH and I talked about my food plans and stuff. He sees me eat more than anyone else, so I asked for his opinions about what I should do. Sometimes I go all out, restrictive to the max and then I cave and binge on what I shouldn't eat. He suggested a more forgiving plan might be better, where I try to be "good" most of the time, but to allow for a few treats now and then.

So, for the rest of May (after Tuesday) and June, I will do my old plan from the dr with some modification. No starches at breakfast, lunch or snacks, and a bit at dinner if it's incorporated into the meal (like a casserole or something). If it's just chicken, veggies and rice, then I won't eat the rice! I plan on doing it very scientifically, and if I don't notice a change happening, then I might have to go balls to the wall and NO carbs AT ALL. Of course, I will be at the gym too.

I've gotta make this work. I can't keep living this way.

Husbands!

My therapist and I had a chat about my eating/weight stuff the other night, and we're working on something, together.

However, I just told DH about this and I know he's skeptical about me succeeding (because I'm never consistent) and I swear, I think he was hurt or put-out or something.

I'm sorry, but this time, it's about ME. Actually, wait, I'm NOT sorry. Don't sulk because I can't eat pasta or rice or whatever. Think of what I CAN eat, that's what I'm doing. And it's not like we ever have JUST rice or JUST pasta for dinner, we always have veggies and a protein. I don't get what his problem was. You'd swear I told him that he wasn't allowed to fish anymore or that Stan Lee died. He actually told me he needed to be alone for a bit.

I'm trying to understand where he's coming from, without making it my problem. I know he loves to cook, and he's been doing a lot of experimentation now that he's home all day. That's great. And I'm sure me saying that I am going back on my doctor's plan (before I have a serious health issue), is like "oh crap, now all of my work is for nothing" and "Ha, lets see how long THIS lasts." But don't get like this.

Yeah, I don't like it either, but it's not JUST for weight loss, it's for health in general, too. I even asked him, "OK so what if I was diabetic for real and had to change things?" He didn't really answer. At least we didn't fight, and it was all very calm...

Ehh, maybe he just needs to be a pouty boy about it for a bit. *shaking my head*

I love Bossman.

After all of this crap I've been dealing with, over the past week or so, I had a meeting with my boss today.

Was in there almost an hour, talking about work stuff, trying to get everything done with firedgirl gone. I got a little flustered, but he told me that he didn't expect miracles, just get it done as best I can...then we went into some personal stuff--he asked about DH's job search stuff, and it went into stuff about working and balancing it with marriage and stuff.

He's so nice. He asked again if DH wanted to come work here. He also said that he's noticed how much time I've been putting in and he appreciates it. When I told him that DH and I were both very appreciative of the offer for DH to work here, he's like "we just want to keep you happy." STFU!!!!

At the beginning of the meeting, I mentioned that I hoped to be leaving early today, and at the end of the meeting, he's like "so...you're leaving at like 3? 4?" I said, "Probably 3" and he said "OK, just let me know when you leave."

As much as I was upset this week having to do everything, I really do have a great boss and a pretty good company. This was just a bad week (it usually is right before our huge annual trade show).

Uh oh.

Mrs. Owner came in this morning, and she's usually only here MWF.

She comes over to my desk (oh no....) and is all chatty.

She wants to take me out to lunch (OH NO!) after they (most of the upper peeps here) get back from a trade show on the other side of the country.

Ummmm, okay.

I really want to like her. I really do. I think I could learn a lot from her. I don't know what is preventing me from letting my guard down, just a bit, with her.

I think it was all of the past BS that went on here.

Made me freak out a bit about talking to her too much. Or maybe it was her own freak outs that caused me to keep my distance

I don't know.


Ha, should I tell her that DH and I never used their (Mr & Mrs Owner's) wedding gift because when we got to Hawaii my company credit card had expired? LOL

(They called me the day before the wedding, all sorry that they didn't get me anything, and wanted me to charge a nice dinner on the CC. That was a funny night, when I handed the waiter my card and he came right back saying it had expired. WHOOOOPS.)

Some things that are bothering me lately....

1. This Ted Kennedy with a brain tumor thing. It's not really about him. My uncle died of the SAME type of tumor less than 2 years ago. He lived in Boston. Seeing all the news coverage is like ripping off the scab and exposing the wound. I don't think our family has been the same since he died. I also know what Ted will face, and that's not a pretty future.

2. My husband remains unemployed. He's gone on two interviews but no success. He's applied for a TON of positions, it just requires waiting. I'm not a good waiter. Neither is he. I worry about the future. It sucks to be the sole breadwinner, to HAVE to go to work, to carry the health insurance...puts a lot of pressure on me. I just pray that by the time we have kids, he'll be in a good job, a stable one, with good insurance, so that I can be a SAHM or work part time.

3. Work is not replacing fired girl. I can't do her job AND mine. I think it's nice that they think I can, but I can't. I just can't do it all. I've worked I don't know how many hours already in the past two weeks, trying to make up stuff. My body is beat.

Fallout

What's that old saying? After the nuclear holocaust, all that'll be left is cockroaches and Cher?

You can add me to that group ;-)

I've survived so much stuff going on at this job, I really didn't think I'd last this long. And I'm happy and proud to be a survivor. To use another saying, the cream has definitely risen to the top. It might have taken awhile, but it did. I was told I didn't have a lot of experience and couldn't handle certain things. Ha, guess who's practically taken over now? People have left for other jobs, gotten fired, quit, yet I'm still here. Even after my exile to Siberia.

So an "eff off" to those people, and a boo yah to me!!! :-)

Fired (not me)

My coworker from my department got fired today. I kind of saw it coming...and I feel that part of it she was really responsible for. Oh well. The weird thing is, now I'm responsible for some of her tasks. Like I'm not busy enough? Hopefully this will be more of a chance for me to shine and grow, as frustrated as it makes me. I also have to get rid of some of my tasks and hand them off to someone who is transitioning into our department. So that's good, I'll get some help. This is kinda rambling, but I just don't know what to say right now. LOL

Mysterious ways

They say that God works in mysterious ways. I agree with this. Some things really do happen for a reason, be they crazy, sad, weird, happy, whatever.

I think that sometimes God creates natural disasters to "help" him in his work. I'm not saying that God is a killer. Yes, he takes lives, but only for a reason. There have been certain natural disasters as of late, which have killed thousands of people. I tend to believe that maybe it is a form of population control? I don't want to sound like I'm not playing with a full deck.

I'm not some holy-roller that believes that everything is some divine message. And I'm not advocating violence and death. But you've gotta wonder...especially when people say "how could God let this happen?" Well, he did and it was for SOME reason...maybe there were just too many people...?

away for work

I am at an oceanside resort for a trade show--work sent me and two of the guys to do some sales and marketing things. The guys are more of the sales end of things--they actually go OUT into the field, whereas I'm more marketing. Bossman figured it would be a good idea for me to go and see what it's like out there in the big world, and how my materials that I create are actually used. So here I am.

This is the first time that I've been away from DH since we've been married. There have been nights where he was sick and spend the night on the couch or in the recliner, but this is the first time that I haven't been in the same house as he is. Weird. I miss him, even though I'm working. Maybe we can come back here someday? The room which I'm staying in opens right on to the beach. I walked out on it for a sec in my stockinged feet! LOL

(Note: when you do a trade show, wear comfy shoes! Dumbass me wore heels, but I thought I'd be OK since they are thick. WRONG.)

It should be very peaceful tonight sleeping, with the waves pounding outside. Tomorrow, we do a bit more trade show, then I'm off to see college roomie B and her kids. Want to hear a small world situation? This woman I was talking to today works in the same industry, if you will, as B's dad. I asked her if she knew him. Sure enough, she did! When I told her that I was roomies w/ his eldest daughter, she was like "Ohhhh, B????" Too funny!

I don't know what I'm doing about dinner. There aren't a lot of options around here...and I would actually prefer to hang out in the room, catch up on work, and watch TV. But I have to forage the boonies of where I am to find something to eat. Hmmmm. I don't know if the guys will ask me to eat with them, but I feel kinda funny. They are BFFs (went to college together, have worked together forever), so I feel like a 3rd wheel.

Anywhoo....it's beautiful here and I wish it were warmer outside!

That being said...good things.

I graduated from college with zero debt.

I graduated from high school and college.

I have never been unemployed longer than I wanted to be.

I have a husband who loves me.

I have a family who loves me, even if they are wacky.

I have three adorable cats; they are the best!

I can see, I can hear, I can walk, I can breathe.

My boss thinks I'm fantastic.

The owners of my company appreciate my hard work.

Struggles

My dad often jokes with my brother and me that we're spoiled...that he and mom weren't hard enough on us. I used to laugh it off and say, "no, you guys were tough enough." But now I'm wondering if it's true...if I am spoiled.

I don't know what it's like to REALLY struggle, and I think that's why, at 28, when I get envious of someone's situation or life or whatever, I get REALLY REALLY envious of it, so much so that it brings me down. Also, stress (be it from work, life, etc) makes me pick myself/my life apart.

I also get bogged down in what I don't have, instead of focusing on what I DO have. I think part of this is because I didn't have to struggle...and it wasn't until I was in my twenties, did life have struggles.

I didn't HAVE to work hard at school, I was bright, so it came easily. While my parents weren't rich, I didn't have to seriously make do with things, the way other kids might have. There was always money for new clothes and shoes. Might not been top of the line or what I wanted, but it was what we needed and we didn't ever go without.

In college, I didn't have to work, the way most of my friends did. My parents didn't send me money when I needed it; I worked over the summers, but that was enough to get me through the school year. They paid for the bill from the college, I paid for the rest. I never had stress over how I'd buy my books for the semester, or if I could afford a train ticket home for Christmas break. My grandfather bought me my first "real" car. My parents were always there for me, not rushing in to rescue me, but the help was always offered. When I decided to leave a bad job, and take a better one that paid much much less, my parents invited me over for dinner when I didn't have enough money to buy real food. I know, that's what parents are supposed to do, but only now, as an adult, do I realize that not everyone has that. And even if their parents would invite them over for dinner, they may not live in the same city or state.

So, I think the fact that I've had a "cushy" life, relatively speaking, is why I have such a hard time as an adult with certain aspects of the way things are. It could be better, sure, and it could be worse. I could have NO clue about how to cope; while it might seem as though some days I'm a baby or immature or just don't want to work hard, there is some hope. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, where I'm stressed out and think all is lost, people get upset with me. To them, my problems seem trivial, or can be easily solved. I think the fact that these people have had to struggle more, work harder, to get where they are, is why they grow impatient with me. No one should HAVE to struggle, this is something we can all agree on. And I should not feel badly that I had parents who could help, and who wanted to help. I should also not feel badly for having a rough time with things now...it's just the way things are. What I need to do now is learn how not to let things bother me, and how to grow and learn from my struggles.

Note to self:

Come back later and write about last night at the movies.

ETA at 1:35--and what happened at the bank.

People are so rude. Ugh.

ETA: It's Wednesday, 5/7, and I'm finally getting back to this. I don't have as much time as I thought I would to get into this further. People are rude.

Do you really need to be at the bank, waiting in line, talking on your cell about how you dumped her or she dumped you and your parents and her parents both told you to dump her? Multitasking is great, and sometimes I will talk on the phone during a long car ride, but a 5 minute wait in a bank line is ridiculous! Get over yourself, no one wants to hear you or your stories! Luckily for me, I had my MP3 player in my purse and blasted music in my ears until it was my turn.

The movies--Friday night. Do you really need to TEXT during a movie??? Maybe I forgot what it's like to be 16 or 17 with a hopping social life, but can't you wait until the movie is over to just make a call and firm up plans? I guess I should be glad for small favors and be thankful that the guy wasn't making/taking a phone call during the movie. But the light from his cell was annoying as hell.

If you are in your 20s, you shouldn't be using a movie theater to get drunk and make out. Get a room! Unless that's a turn on for you or something....which is gross!

Mother's Day is next weekend...

I have no freaking clue what to get my mom. Srsly. This bites. I go through this every year.

Everything she wants, she gets herself. She doesn't really "do" anything. She's not a huge jewelry person, nor do I have the money, ha. She doesn't read a TON, she doesn't knit or sew...

I'm wondering if I should just tell her that next Saturday, we're spending the day together? We haven't really hung out in awhile. Sometimes, she can just be a little...um, grating on my nerves, I guess. I know she loves me a lot and would do anything for me...but at times, I feel guilty because I almost feel like I take advantage of her and her generosity, even if I really don't. Like she gives, gives, gives, and I never give back? She always tells me that if she couldn't give, or couldn't do, she wouldn't, and that there will come a time where she won't be able to do things for me. I don't know what I could do for her now, or give her. Maybe just my time?

I wonder if some of this comes from her relationship with her own mother. My grandmother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when my mom was a little kid--she even remembers being 6 or so, and my grandmother being in the hospital. By the time my mom got married, she needed a cane, and shortly after I was born, she was wheelchair-bound. She lived most of MY life in a nursing home and died when I was in college. So, not very hands-on. I think my mom is just trying to do as much as she can while she's young and healthy...my aunt (my mom's little sister, who has 3 kids of her own) is the same way. Playing "supermom" because you don't know when/if you'll get sick. So sad.

I need a clone, or an assistant, or some thing...

Too much work to do!!!!!! Not enough hours in the day!!!!!!

Shouldn't speak so soon...

DH did some investigating last night about this potential job and the training, which would be in South Carolina--it's a federal position, btw. Apparently some of the training is pretty intense and we aren't sure if he'll be able to do it physically. Of course, this made him feel like crap and he's like "what else?" He's right--hasn't he been through enough already? First the accident, then the treatment at his last job, then the layoff? Doesn't he EVER get a break? He was also worried that if he gets interviewed by the state, for a similar type of job, it'll be the same case with the physical stuff. He wasn't sure if he should call the fed office and take himself out, or say nothing until it was imperative. He was SO ready to give up last night--talking about going to law school, back to get his teaching credentials, worrying that he'd be working at some factory job, with a masters.

So he called an old professor from grad school who works for the state division of the field that DH wants to work in, and a friend who also sort of works in the field and both of them said it shouldn't be a problem. The prof guy was like "why is this set up so tough?" He also relayed to DH that the state doesn't require this same type of stuff as the feds, so DH was feeling better...

THEN, one of the interviewers called this morning to tell DH to call at a certain time on the 12th. Wow. He felt a little better. I said to him that you never know...this fed website that you found might have "umbrella" rules and maybe not all of the jobs under the department are that strict. Plus, even though it's a fed job, they operate differently depending on the state. For instance, this position requires a firearm in some states--but not ours. Maybe it's the same for the training? One thing DH pointed out was "why didn't they state anything about the physical requirements in the job ad?" So maybe it's NOT as strenuous as that info lead us to believe?

He is feeling better now, but sheesh, it was tense last night. Poor guy. I just kept saying that I was sorry, but that didn't seem to help. Sometimes men need to TALK MORE and say what's on their minds and not expect their wives/girlfriends to guess what they want to hear from them! Yes, he did get a little upset with me, but we later talked--he wanted me to be honest about what I thought and not hide things, and I didn't want to be TOO honest for fear it might upset him. I ended up telling him I was sad about this info, angry at the job ad for not being upfront about this, just mad about his bad luck...so that was good, we got it all out there.

I'm a dork...

...who just learned how to put pics in her blog.

Way to go!!!!

DH interview update! Great success!

DH's interview today went really really well. He SO wants this job. He pretty much told them that much. He finds out on the 12th if he made it to the next round. Annoying, but oh well.

The downfall is...that if he gets this position, he'll have to go to SC for 6 weeks of training. He asked me how I felt about that. While I wouldn't like him gone, this is something he's really wanted, and waited for a long time, so I would support him. It's just SC, it's just 6 weeks, it's NOT Baghdad, Kabul, etc. It's not 6 months or a year. I think I could handle it. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. I also asked him if he could come home for weekends or if I could go to visit. That might help. But I don't want to get too much ahead of myself.

Chanel No. 5

What is it with this perfume anyway? Apparently it's the best-selling perfume in the world, but I think it smells nasty. I'm reading this book about the perfume industry now and I was amazed to learn this fact about Chanel No. 5. I never got the allure--my grandmother and aunt love/d it. And so do millions of other women in the world. It's expensive as hell, too. I just don't get it.

So I disappeared for awhile...

...and everyone was worried about me. I disappeared from teh interwebs, that is. Not from real life. I belong to a private message board and was gone from there for about a week and a half. Very bizarre for me. But work has kept me so busy I haven't had any time to check in during the day, and then at home, I've been busy with home stuff. Everything is fine, though, and I'm sorry I might have freaked some people out. I haven't even blogged in approximately 2 weeks, either!

I started my "garden" last weekend. DH and I went to the local Agway and bought some plants: basil, two types of tomatoes, petunias, impatiens, two other kinds of annuals. I had some pots from previous gardening attempts, but I still had to do a Wal-Mart run and get MORE, plus tons and tons of soil. I must have spent around $150 on all of this, which is NUTS, but I figure that we're going to need this stuff when we get a house too, and we can re-use the pots and soil, so it's more like an investment. The plants themselves were pretty cheap, so that's good!

What SUCKED is that we might have had a frost last night. WTF it's MAY!?!?! Anyway, last night, DH and I covered everything in a big tarp and hoped for the best. This morning, everything looked OK. We'll see. Tonight I think I need to finish potting the plants that I never got around to doing last Sunday--ran out of time, pots and soil. This will make our deck a little more "lived in" and not so bare.

I have also been scouting around for some more furniture. Two weeks ago, when we took DH's grandma out for her birthday, I saw some lawn chairs that were marked "free" sitting on the side of someone's yard. By the time we passed the house again, they were gone! I should have snatched them up while they were there. Oh well. I'll check out some yard sales, too. I really don't need brand new stuff--as long as it's clean (or can be cleaned) and is safe, I don't care. We waste too much stuff in this country as is, and people always want NEW NEW NEW.


In other news, DH had an interview on Tuesday and wasn't thrilled with the prospects of that position. Not a good fit at all. He'd rather work directly with the population, and this job was more clerical. Today he has another interview for something that he really really wants to do, and I'm so excited/nervous for him. He would be SOOOO happy if this position were to come through, so please, send prayers, good thoughts, crossed fingers, etc.