My HS reunion is the Friday night after Thanksgiving (as are many HS reunions).
I am nervous about going. I have replied (via Facebook, gotta love technology!) as a maybe.
Will I end up going? I don't know.
While I talked to a lot of different people IN school, I lost touch with so many of them afterwards. I was never into the drinking scene really--you know, when everyone comes home for the weekend or Thanksgiving and heads to a the local bar. It's like school provided me with the support system for socializing, and after we all left that, it was hard for me, personally, to keep in touch.
And there was also my battle with depression and anxiety which probably affected how I communicated and socialized with people. That bothers me, but only now, after so many years have passed. I can't go back and change what has happened...I can only move forward and try not to let those things impede future relationships.
Now I look up various classmates' Facebook profiles and see how many people from town they still keep in touch with. And I feel weird because I don't keep in touch with THAT many people (or many people at all) or I don't have a huge circle. I look at the people from my class who are on there, who I could "befriend" and I think..."Why? What do I have to say to them?" Besides the "Hey, how are you" variety of chit chat. And a lot of these people I knew since I was five years old.
But then I think about WHY I might not keep in touch with so many people...
1. I didn't stay in town after high school. I went away to college. So many of my classmates went to the local CC or two of the local state universities.
2. I didn't immediately come right back after college. I lived in Boston for about 6 months.
3. I don't go out to the bars in town! That should be obvious as to why I don't have so many local connections! lol
4. I don't go out to other town events, really. I'm a homebody in my "old" age.
I used to go out in town, but that was before I lived with DH. When I lived on my own, I had a friend and we would go out and do stuff...but then she got jealous of my relationship, and I had to cut her out because she was just getting inappropriate. After I moved in with DH, we had a wedding to plan and our own stuff to deal with, so it wasn't a time for going out and having tons of fun. Also, back when I was living on my own, DH was still recovering from his accident, and a lot of my free time was spent with him.
This helps me to relax a bit and not to think of myself as some weirdo or freak. I truly think it bothers me because I still live here. If I'd moved away to California or stayed in Boston, I probably wouldn't be as weirded out by this. I think my own isolation (or whatever you want to call it) is making me think of myself as odd. It's easy to fall into a rut and it's hard to get out of one.
The events which have transpired since I left college--finding a job, getting through some depressive episodes, meeting DH, his accident/recovery stuff (which takes longer than anyone really thinks), switching jobs, getting engaged/married, etc.--all of these things have changed my life and how I live it and how I interact with others. And I'm sure everyone has had things happen in their lives, too...things that have made them change, for better or worse.
I actually feel GUILTY or BADLY for letting some relationships fall to the wayside. Or for not cultivating new ones. I know it shouldn't be like that, but I can't help it especially when a lot of it was not my fault. And now, when I have opportunities to get out there and reconnect, I get stuck. I let fear get in the way. Fear of what? Fear of the unknown of course! Fear of looking dumb or not being the same. Fear of rejection. General shyness of not knowing what to say, really.
I bet I'm not the only one who is like this, either. At least I hope not.
Will I end up going to the reunion? I don't know. I just don't know.
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6 comments:
Don't fault yourself too much for falling out of touch with h.s. people.
Other than having them as a friends on facebook or myspace, I don't keep in touch with a lot of people from high school. . . only a handful.
It's not that I don't care to be in touch with them. . . I just don't have much in common with the people I went to high school with. . . which is fine. Not all my friends are exactly like me or anything.
But maybe the biggest thing is that I'm in the minority because I left town. They all hang out nearly every weekend.
I went to my reunion and had a lot of fun, but I didn't really hang out with the people that I was close friends with in high school.
I would make your decision based on these factors:
-Are there people that are going that you really would like to see and catch up with?
-Do you think you'll have a good time?
In the end, I think this is all that matters!
You know, I'm always amazed at who wants to friend me on FB? I feel like Sally Field during her acceptance speech "you really like me!" I don't know WHY I feel like that, because I usually don't care about such matters. LOL social networking makes me neurotic. Go figure.
BUT I totally agree with your "They all hang out nearly every weekend"--it makes perfect sense. And a lot of these "townies" married other townies, which just increases the circle.
I, OTOH, was different. I married someone from another town (though fairly close by). I went to school 2 hours away from home and met people from all over the country. I didn't rush back home after college to relive HS (like so many of these people still do).
I think a lot of my issues with this stem from the fact that I did come back eventually and it's not the same. A lot of people are now gone, moved away...and as I've noted before, it can be lonely here at times. I guess I'm a teensy bit jealous at the people who stayed and the fun they seem to be having. But, um, I'm dumb for judging their fun via pics and posts on FB!
I LOL'd at your two factors...b/c that's what my DH pretty much asked me when I told him that I was conflicted about going. There are some people that I'd love to see, and yeah I'd probably have a good time, in the end.
Although, I might have to do a shot of something in the parking lot before I go in ;-) Liquid courage.
Just another ramble from girlwednesday!
My HS reunion is the same day. We won't be attending because our 5th anniversary is Thanksgiving Day.
I admit, I wish I could go back. Recently I've done just what you're pondering... "befriended" some classmates on Facebook (in hopes of getting reunion info, honestly). It's weird. Some people I have friended on there were definitely the "popular" crowd while I was a "geek." And I do wonder why I friended them (again, mostly looking for reunion info--and they have restricted access to my page and stuff).
I think I'm glad in a way that I'm not going to my reunion. My cousin's wife just helped chair her 20th and said it was SO different from her 10th. She said not only did more people attend, but she said that at her 10th it was like a group of people in a room all bragging about their accomplishments (kind of like everyone who came just went to say "look who I've become"), and people were in VERY different points in life. She said that by the 20 year reunion it was less bragging and more about community, and everyone seemed to be on similar paths in life.
Well, the other day I pretty much decided that I won't be going. I think I'll come away feeling like crap...and like A+ said, it might be a brag-fest. No thanks.
I would not subject my DH to the reunion. He's not from my town, only knows a few people with whom I went to HS, so he would not have fun there, lol.
I'll see ya at the 20th reunion, class of 98! LOL
A+--will you come to our 10 year college reunion? I didn't go to the 5 year.
If I was able to make it, I think I would go. I've always wanted to go back... and I want to show DH Rhode Island!
I feel more like I graduated from there, even though my degree has another college's name on it. Heck, I donate to the alumni fund there and not to the one I got my degree from!!
I'm even mixed about going to college's 10yr only b/c I knew people ahead of us and behind us, and they won't be there. Boo. Oh well, can't worry about that now! We have 4 years to go!
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