I've probably mentioned this before, but everything at work that's good, is blocked. No facebook, no myspace, no blogger, no message boards (for the most part)...not even food network! Seriously! It's crazy.
At home, I've been busy trying to relax and enjoy my down time and spend time with my husband. Work is always nutty, but I have been trying to dial it down a notch and NOT give it my all. Maybe then they'll see that I wasn't messing around and that I do need help with the work load.
Anyway, today I called in sick because of some issues that DH and I had. Not between us, thank God, this was something to do with the little bastard known as the stock market. See, DH was in a bad accident a few years ago, got a nice settlement from the person who injured him, and this money is in a structured settlement thingy (for lack of a better word, haha) with one of the big companies in the news these days. We were up all night, very upset, freaking out. As he's still unemployed, the monthly checks from this settlement were helping us get by. If that money suddenly disappeared, we'd be in BIG trouble. My salary cannot and would not support two people.
After a frantic call this morning to DH's lawyer, we quickly learned that all would be OK. PHEW! Now, for him to get a job...but that is out of our hands as well. Lots of interviews, no bites. It's upsetting. For him--he feels like a failure, he's bored, he feels like he'll never get anywhere in his career. For me--I want him to be doing something, so he doesn't feel like crap, and I get a bit jealous and resentful b/c he can stay home. For us--he feels like a bad husband, and I just hate being the sole breadwinner and the one who is responsible for everything right now. This has taken a toll on the both of us...and for it to happen during the first year of marriage, it sucks even more.
A lot of people like to weigh in on this, giving me advice. Until you have been there, it's hard to give REALLY sound advice. It's easy to say "oh try XYZ company" or "has he thought about just doing some part time retail job?" The economy sucks, people.
Here are some funny exchanges with people about my DH's job stuff...
Bossman: How's the job search going?
Me: Oh fine, thanks for asking...it's going.
Bossman: (incredulously) You aren't nagging at him?!?!
Me: Uhhh no...I can't make people hire him.
Boss: Oh...wow...well (mutters something)
Are you SERIOUS??? As if me nagging would help him to find a job, or get someone to higher him faster? It doesn't work like that, buddy.
My mom: What would (DH) like for his birthday?
Me: A job.
Mom: No, seriously.
Me: I AM serious. He doesn't need anything else.
C'mon mom, you know me (and him) better than this!
I actually had to tell a friend of mine last week that as much as I appreciated her concern, I didn't want to talk to her about DH's job stuff anymore. It was like every time she contacted me, the first thing she'd ask was "So how's the job search?"
SHUT UP. PLEASE.
Now I know how women who have issues getting pregnant feel when every time they talk to someone, all they want to do is talk babies. It hurts. It's annoying. It makes you angry. It makes you feel guilty, like you have to cover for your husband, so people don't think he's a slacker or lazy. Or unmotivated.
I try not to take people's suggestions/comments *too* personally, but it's hard. My husband is my family and if you say something about him, it hurts me too.
Grrr, I just wish there was a way out of this.
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4 comments:
It is a huge, huge challenge to be faced with something major during the first year of marriage, whether it's a job loss, or a child (hehehe), or a major financial crisis...
You're just starting to get used to each other, the concept of marriage and integrating your lives, etc. and BAM! something else tries to steal your focus.
Hang in there. I think you're doing great. I really, really do. It's not easy.
And I'm breathing a sigh of relief with you over the settlement $$. As I was reading along I was like, "Oh no!!!"
Sorry things are so sucky. Helps me appreciate my job more, even on BAD days when I know there are others out there who would probably give anything to be employed.
Thanks ladies.
A+, you really hit the nail on the head there. What's funny is that we lived together almost a year before we got married...and we dated for almost 3 years before getting engaged. Yet the slightest turn in the kaleidoscope totally changes the view, such as a job loss or baby or illness can change the dynamics of a relationship.
It is tough...it's hard to be the cheerleader all of the time, but also have to get up and put on a brave face...and not snap at your boss or your coworkers when they have no idea what's going on.
No one but us knows what it's like, and that's the frustrating part. To want to talk about things, but then people either can't identify, or think they're helping (but they aren't). Unless you've been through this (job loss and trouble finding a new one), you can't say much. Maybe it's frustrating for other people trying to understand, just as much as it is for us, wanting to be understood.
Ha, wait until you get pregnant. EVERYONE will be working your last nerve including your husband LOL. We are pregnant our first year of marriage, and I swear, this gives people who are strangers the free reign to have F*ed opinions about our situation.
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