When do you say something...

and when do you just ignore?

This post is sort of inspired by this one here.

Yesterday I had to leave work for a very personal reason.

I was having an anxiety attack and couldn't get myself under control. On the outside, I appeared fine...just quiet (which for me, being quiet usually means something is wrong), but I was carrying on with my day. My therapist called me with a cancellation, so I had a a few hours until my appointment. I emailed Bossman that I would need to leave at 2 for an unexpected appointment.

He came down to my cube, asking, "is everything all right?" Ummmmm, not really.

But I smiled and turned red (as I often do when I'm embarrassed) and just said "everything will be fine." Which it was once I got the hell outta Dodge and to my therapist's office.

And there are the times when I'm late because I have early morning appointments with my therapist or my endocrinologist...or I've had to go with DH to his appointments, and Bossman will ask if I'm OK.

Now, I know most people in their late 20s don't usually have that many doctor's appointments, and I know that he's asking because he values me as an employee and he IS a nice guy. Part of me does want to say something just to get him off of my back, and most of me knows that any personal info that he has on me could be misused.

I wonder if he thinks if I got myself "into a situation" and he's scared I'll be leaving in a few months for a "new career" if you know what I'm saying ;-) Sometimes I want to look at him, straight in the eye and say "Bossman, don't worry! I'm NOT knocked up!!!"

This morning, I come into work and check my email. He's not in today--he went "home" to see his family (very long story which is pointless to this blog) and he asked "how did everything go yesterday? Are you feeling better?" DUDE! I wrote back saying that "yes, everything is fine, thank you."

I almost feel badly about having to leave early and that I can't be truthful with him. But when mental illness is still viewed with such a stigma in this society, what choice do I have?