How I feel about work right now...

Warning: some of you might have read this before, elsewhere ;-)

This is so totally random, but I had to get it off of my chest.

I really enjoyed this vacation, and I really don't want to go back to work. I know I have to, I'm a big girl and there's no other option available to me. I'll probably go back in on Friday--I'm an alternate, so unless something happens with one of the "regular" jurors, I'm off the hook.

I could bitch and whine more about how I don't like working, but since I enjoyed my juror experience so much, I am trying to think of ways to incorporate what I liked about this into my work life.

The office gets me too stressed out. I even want to cry right now, thinking about the things I've missed, what I have to do when I get back. I definitely need some balance. I don't know if I'm crazy/off the mark with trying to carry some of this stuff over, but at least I know what I need during my day (life?) to make me happy. And if I can't get it at this current job, then I'll know what to look for in the future.

What I enjoyed, and would like more of in my day-to-day:

1. the discipline--I've enjoyed having a definitive start time every day and knowing what I was supposed to do. If you can't tell, a big part of my work stress comes from feeling like I'm being pulled in a million directions, no one knows what anyone else is doing, etc.

2. the hour long lunches! I could actually relax. And do something besides stuff my face. I actually ate and read, then worked on my needlepoint.

3. the QUIET--oh my god, it's been fabulous. I could think. My mind wasn't racing in a million directions.


How I can achieve this:

1. No effing clue. I've asked for agendas, for help prioritizing my work, but new things continuously pop up and then I feel like I get nothing accomplished. Or, I feel like I'm constantly running to my boss to ask him to re-prioritize things. I wish I could just "start fresh" and get rid of everything extraneous, but I have projects and things from September that still aren't complete because of new, more pressing, matters. Drives me insane.

I don't even know what I can say, if I can say anything at all, to my boss without sounding whiny, insubordinate, difficult, or anything else. It's easy to try not to let anything bother me, but it's my job, and I want to do a good one...but I don't want to feel stressed about everything.

The only thing I CAN control is when I get in and when I leave...and since this is basically left up to me, it's hard because most of the time I don't want to be there at all.

2. I don't think this is possible to arrange. We don't really have set work times to begin with (hi, no discipline) and the "rule" is 1/2 hour for lunch. We don't have a real break room, which is annoying. All we've got is a big dining table and chairs (think of boardroom furniture, lol) in an open space right near my cube area.

All I want it some space and peace/quiet when I eat or take a break. We're all mashed in tightly and it's right near my desk, so half of the time I don't even take a real lunch b/c it's like why bother? Plus, there's no escaping anyone.

The only way around this, I think, is to eat in my car, but that's pretty ridiculous.

3. This is a huge issue of mine. I need it quiet to work, to focus, to get stuff done. Instead, I'm in a cube in a "garage" and I'm right on the walkway that leads from the back door to the main door so I hear the FedEx/UPS guys, the smokers, the people who are coming/going in/out...then I've got the library sales BOYS (who are literally 22 and 23 years old) goofing off in between sales calls or yelling/peering over cube walls. This is not the dorm!

I usually listen to my headphones and try to block out the noise, but it can only help so much. And sometimes I need to work without music, to better focus. I'm not asking for it to be absolutely silent, but people should not be yelling either. I've talked to my boss about the noise, but little, if anything, is done. Sometimes I feel like I'm this crazy old lady who needs things like a study hall!



I hate feeling stuck, like there really is no alternative. I don't know what else I can ask for or suggest to remedy how I feel about going back. Grr.