How I feel about work right now...

Warning: some of you might have read this before, elsewhere ;-)

This is so totally random, but I had to get it off of my chest.

I really enjoyed this vacation, and I really don't want to go back to work. I know I have to, I'm a big girl and there's no other option available to me. I'll probably go back in on Friday--I'm an alternate, so unless something happens with one of the "regular" jurors, I'm off the hook.

I could bitch and whine more about how I don't like working, but since I enjoyed my juror experience so much, I am trying to think of ways to incorporate what I liked about this into my work life.

The office gets me too stressed out. I even want to cry right now, thinking about the things I've missed, what I have to do when I get back. I definitely need some balance. I don't know if I'm crazy/off the mark with trying to carry some of this stuff over, but at least I know what I need during my day (life?) to make me happy. And if I can't get it at this current job, then I'll know what to look for in the future.

What I enjoyed, and would like more of in my day-to-day:

1. the discipline--I've enjoyed having a definitive start time every day and knowing what I was supposed to do. If you can't tell, a big part of my work stress comes from feeling like I'm being pulled in a million directions, no one knows what anyone else is doing, etc.

2. the hour long lunches! I could actually relax. And do something besides stuff my face. I actually ate and read, then worked on my needlepoint.

3. the QUIET--oh my god, it's been fabulous. I could think. My mind wasn't racing in a million directions.


How I can achieve this:

1. No effing clue. I've asked for agendas, for help prioritizing my work, but new things continuously pop up and then I feel like I get nothing accomplished. Or, I feel like I'm constantly running to my boss to ask him to re-prioritize things. I wish I could just "start fresh" and get rid of everything extraneous, but I have projects and things from September that still aren't complete because of new, more pressing, matters. Drives me insane.

I don't even know what I can say, if I can say anything at all, to my boss without sounding whiny, insubordinate, difficult, or anything else. It's easy to try not to let anything bother me, but it's my job, and I want to do a good one...but I don't want to feel stressed about everything.

The only thing I CAN control is when I get in and when I leave...and since this is basically left up to me, it's hard because most of the time I don't want to be there at all.

2. I don't think this is possible to arrange. We don't really have set work times to begin with (hi, no discipline) and the "rule" is 1/2 hour for lunch. We don't have a real break room, which is annoying. All we've got is a big dining table and chairs (think of boardroom furniture, lol) in an open space right near my cube area.

All I want it some space and peace/quiet when I eat or take a break. We're all mashed in tightly and it's right near my desk, so half of the time I don't even take a real lunch b/c it's like why bother? Plus, there's no escaping anyone.

The only way around this, I think, is to eat in my car, but that's pretty ridiculous.

3. This is a huge issue of mine. I need it quiet to work, to focus, to get stuff done. Instead, I'm in a cube in a "garage" and I'm right on the walkway that leads from the back door to the main door so I hear the FedEx/UPS guys, the smokers, the people who are coming/going in/out...then I've got the library sales BOYS (who are literally 22 and 23 years old) goofing off in between sales calls or yelling/peering over cube walls. This is not the dorm!

I usually listen to my headphones and try to block out the noise, but it can only help so much. And sometimes I need to work without music, to better focus. I'm not asking for it to be absolutely silent, but people should not be yelling either. I've talked to my boss about the noise, but little, if anything, is done. Sometimes I feel like I'm this crazy old lady who needs things like a study hall!



I hate feeling stuck, like there really is no alternative. I don't know what else I can ask for or suggest to remedy how I feel about going back. Grr.

Jury Duty

Some of you already know this...but yesterday I had jury duty. Annnnnnd I was selected for a jury which begins today. So I will be out of work through the middle of next week (should be a 4 or 5 day civil trial). My boss is not pleased, but what can I do? If I don't show up, I could be away from worker longer...as in arrested and charged with contempt of court. Not good! I'm trying to stay on top of things as much as I can at night and over this weekend, but we'll see. DH thinks I'm crazy for doing work at night/weekends but this is my job. I can't just be like "oh well, whatever." And, it's not as if my boss does my stuff while I'm gone. So whatever isn't done...literally doesn't get done. But I think that DH should go in my place--he's not working! Ironic.

Part of me is pleased that I was picked...I think it'll be an interesting learning experience. I'm a dork! DH said that I got picked because I'm smart and well-educated. Um, and too honest! Catholic guilt or what? ;-)

Must be a family thing, because my mom was picked awhile back, but didn't have to serve--the case settled out of court at the 11th hour. As I need to be at court in less than 2 hours, I'm thinking the trial is ON like Donkey Kong.

This is funny to me and other local people, but when I entered the courtroom and saw the defendant's attorney, I wanted to laugh. He's a well-known lawyer who does a lot of high-profile cases. So well-known that when I said that exact phrase to my psychologist last night, she said his name immediately. Since we were in the confidentiality of a therapy appointment, I said yes. Hahahaha.

I will be back later to chronicle my first day on the jury.

religion stuff...

I'm not one to talk a lot about my faith. It's just something I keep pretty private, not because I'm ashamed or anything. It's always been something I've kept to myself. Even going to a Catholic college, lol.

Part of it does have to do with the fact that I know not everyone is Catholic...and not everyone is religious! Part of it is me not wanting to look like some Bible thumper or that I'm perfect/better than everyone else...because I certainly am not. I don't know, it's just one of those things I don't discuss. DH and I talk about it, that's a given. In my mind, it's important for spouses to be able to share these things. We aren't the people who pray before meals at restaurants (but if you do that, more power to ya!)--we are private.

Anyway, years ago, when DH was recovering from his accident, he prayed to St. Michael the Archangel a LOT, for support and strength. St. Michael is often portrayed as a warrior--he does look pretty cool. When it came time to choose a wedding date, we chose September 29. I was doing some random research before we got married and I found out that our wedding date is St. Michael's feast day in the Roman rite. Pretty interesting! But in DH's rite (he's Byzantine Catholic) St. Michael's feast day is November 8. So that's why we were at church twice in a weekend.

There have been some other weird coincidences with St. Michael. 1) DH was going to be a cop before his accident, and he's the patron saint of police officers. 2) He's also the patron saint of the sick--and DH was pretty badly injured.

If we are lucky to have a son, we have a name picked out...and yes, the middle name will be Michael.

This one is for A+

So A+ told me that she likes my blog and my posts. But why? I don't think I'm very interesting!!! lol

Many people blog about their weekends. Here's what I did during my last weekend. Judge for yourself...

Friday--got home kinda early, scarfed down some leftovers and then we dashed off to DH's family's church that's about an hour away, as it was St. Michael the Archangel's feast day. In his rite, that is. In the Roman rite, it's our anniversary ;-) (hmmm, this reminds me of a future blog entry). Then we tried to go to the Yankee Candle store but it had closed. We were bummed since we had coupons for "buy 2 candles, get 2 free." Went to Barnes and Noble. I got I Can Has Cheezburger and DH got a book by Guy Fieri (from Food Network). Made our way back home, stopped at a diner where I ate a real cheeseburger, lol.

Saturday--got up, procrastinated around the house for a bit, then went to see Grandpa at "the home." Went to the gym, came home, showered, went to Mass (we usually don't go so close together, lol), came home again, cooked dinner, then started a night of crazy amounts of laundry. and watched TV.

Sunday--got up and procrastinated some more (sense a pattern here?), then we dumped out all of our pots into the woods and cleaned up the deck. This was a good move on our part because today (Monday) someone came through the complex and used a leaf blower to get rid of the excess leaves. Did some other chores around the house, then we went to my parents for dinner. Got gas on the way home, came home and got ready for the next day.

So there you have it. A weekend in the life of GirlWednesday. This is why I don't blog a lot. I'm boring!!! lol

Facebook stuff

SO WEIRD. And such a small world.

Shortly after I joined FB, I saw that one of my coworkers had a friend who looked like a guy I used to work with. Sure enough, it was the same guy...and they are cousins.

I got a notification today that this same coworker has a new friend...and the name looked familiar. So I check that guy's profile out. It's the ex-boyfriend of a former friend of mine. Too weird. The coworker and the ex-boyfriend grew up in the same town, so it's pretty easy to figure out how they know each other.

This ex-boyfriend guy is also friends with a girl with whom I went to HS!!!!! Now I'm wondering, how do the two of them know each other??? Crazy!

Another FB friend of mine...her husband knows two people with whom I went to HS...one guy through some internet thing they did back in the early days of internetting, and the girl through a mutual friend. WEIRD!

consideration

I am not a perfect person. Sometimes I'm snarky, even bitchy. But I do have a good heart, somewhere deep down there, and I try to do good things.

Two things happened to me and DH today that left me shaking my head...mostly at the lack of consideration on the parts of others.

1) I HATE it when people do NOT come get their sh*t out of the washers or dryers. DH was talking to me earlier (on the phone) and when we hung up, he was like,"oh gotta go put the stuff in the dryer." Later on, he signed on IM and was like, "so the laundry? Not in the dryers yet b/c some f*cker's stuff is STILL in there...it's been over TWO HOURS." So I asked him if the stuff was still warm, he said no. I told him, "OK, I'm gonna be the laundry room nazi now...they didn't get their stuff and it's cooled off, so it's been LONG enough. Take it out, put it on top of the dryer or on that little table." SERIOUSLY! Don't do laundry if you don't have time/can't remember to come get it or switch it around. Other people have to do their laundry too. There are 4 of each machine in the laundry room and all 4 dryers were full of someone's sh*t. Four years of college and I never dealt with such a horrible laundry situation as this, adults, living in condos. GRRR. 2) Late invitations. Today is Wednesday. We just got an invite, TODAY, in the MAIL, for a party on Saturday night. Not a "hey come over for some beer and pizza" party...someone's after the wedding, wedding reception. At a country club. WTF???? Could you give us some notice? DH needs to get his hair cut, he doesn't really have anything to wear (neither do I but I'll throw something together), we have to get a gift. ARGH!!!! This is DH's lawyer, who helped out IMMENSELY with his lawsuit. If it weren't for that, and for the fact that his and his now-wife came to our wedding, we would SOOOO not be going. Please, people, be considerate!!!!!

the past should stay the past

SERIOUSLY. Why do "bad" memories have their way of coming out at times? I put bad in quotes because there are worse things out there that have happened to people, so this is pretty minor if you think about it.

Last night, I started talking with DH about college, freshman year especially, and how crappy it was. I don't even know how it came out, really. I forgot what we were talking about when we came upon this subject. I'm sure a LOT of people have similar stories about making friends, losing them, being lonely on a Friday/Saturday/Tuesday/whatever night while your roommate/s go out and stay out wicked late, trying to find your way amidst different groups of people where you don't really fit in, whatever the case may be.

But it made me feel SO horrible, talking about it. And here it is, over 12 hours later and I still feel crappy. That was OVER 10 years ago, I can't go back, I can't change who my roommates were. I can't change that I was shy and didn't know that you were supposed to go around and introduce yourself (yeah, I thought people would come to ME). I didn't know that the "uniform" was cute clothes from American Eagle or A&F.

And, in the end, things DID get better. This is most important to remember! Eventually, I did meet people, some with whom I am still REALLY tight today. Sure, we lost some of our group along the way to graduation, but that happened over truly dumb stuff (hello, housing lottery! Or, someone got a boyfriend) and what matters is, by the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I didn't want to go home for a month. Out of fear I'd lose those friends I'd just made.

I guess I just remembered that pain of feeling like you didn't matter to anyone and you'd never feel at home...and I REALLY felt it this time. Like I was suddenly back in my dorm room, on a Friday night, listening to music, exploring this thing called the internet (haha!), while one roommate escaped to the peace of home and the other was out boozing it up. (I have to laugh now because the two of them did not return sophomore year.)

I still think that old things like this should stay buried, because the memories can catch you off-guard and you are suddenly sad but can't really explain why. Maybe some of the tears or feelings are out of gratitude for those who you did meet and had fun times with...and for yourself, that you got through it and you survived.